This time next week I will already have known whether I am or not a doctor. 'Scary' doesn't even begin to describe it for me right now....
bismillahitawakkaltu'alallah.......
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Friday 3 June 2011
Rhyl.. oh Rhyl...
I'm FINALLY back in Cardiff!! >< I've only been away 4 weeks this time, but it felt too long... Five years being in the UK, I haven't been homesick since I had surgery in 1st year... That was until I went to Rhyl. I'm not kidding. I blame the lack of working fast internet, which meant NO KPOP... which meant TORMENT to me.. by the end of the placement, my head wasn't in the right place anymore....
The lack of fast internet kinda also deprived me of a lot more than kpop but I think that was what nearly drove me insane.. How am I going to work there laaaaaa in August?? T__T
The lack of fast internet kinda also deprived me of a lot more than kpop but I think that was what nearly drove me insane.. How am I going to work there laaaaaa in August?? T__T
Tuesday 5 April 2011
"Born This Way" - Lady Gaga (Sam Tsui Cover)
I really like the covers this guy makes. He actually made me properly listen to the lyrics of this song. And seeing as it's a Gaga song, that says a lot actually. hahaha
So people, God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way. ^__^
Sunday 3 April 2011
Life is cruel. And life is unfair. Let's face it, that is nothing new. The older you are, the more curve balls life throws at you. The more cracked/broken the tinted glass you used to view life with when you were little. This isn't a rant about how my life sucks, because it doesn't, not by my standards. I mean, I could be doing a lot worse than I am now, so I am thankful.
But you know what's funny? People. People are funny. When we meet people, all guarded, they complain we're too distant and fake. When we put our guard down and finally decide to let people in, like IN in, they decide it's not for them, so they leave. Or they don't leave but replace us and expect us to leave instead. So then, with a shrug, we do. Because, we don't have time to sit there and wallow in self pity at how we've been 'victimised'. And at the end of the day, we're left with this "I knew it!" smile on our faces and we move on, more guarded than before. So the cycle continues..... again.. and again. And all the tree hugging hippies who swear by optimism look at us and wonder how we've become such skeptics..
I would like to take this moment to say to all my friends, my real friends, not acquaintances, not fake superficial friends, that I love you. And I thank you. For staying as a real friend throughout these years. It's because of people like yourselves that I still possess some form of optimism and compassion, and not a completely soulless shell of a person.
But you know what's funny? People. People are funny. When we meet people, all guarded, they complain we're too distant and fake. When we put our guard down and finally decide to let people in, like IN in, they decide it's not for them, so they leave. Or they don't leave but replace us and expect us to leave instead. So then, with a shrug, we do. Because, we don't have time to sit there and wallow in self pity at how we've been 'victimised'. And at the end of the day, we're left with this "I knew it!" smile on our faces and we move on, more guarded than before. So the cycle continues..... again.. and again. And all the tree hugging hippies who swear by optimism look at us and wonder how we've become such skeptics..
I would like to take this moment to say to all my friends, my real friends, not acquaintances, not fake superficial friends, that I love you. And I thank you. For staying as a real friend throughout these years. It's because of people like yourselves that I still possess some form of optimism and compassion, and not a completely soulless shell of a person.
Saturday 19 March 2011
What's the story, morning glory?
Yeah, as the title (and the poster above probably) might have given it away, I'm going to write about this fluff-type of movie. I don't really know how to classify this movie, it's not a romantic comedy really.. it's not really a chick flick, coz they're not really in high school talking about hot boys.. oh well, whatever the category it falls under, I just want to say, I loved it! It goes well with my 'I have a dream' phase I'm having right now (although I don't really know what exactly that dream is yet.. I'm just determined to be something - refer previous post).
The movie is about Becky (Rachel McAdams) who plays the role of an exec producer of a morning talk show that's on the verge of being shut down. She works her ass off because she's so determined to prove herself and she's confident in carrying herself, especially because she knows who she is and what she wants. I think I love it so because I envy her confidence. I envy her sense of direction in life. She's 28 and single because her work is all of her. And she doesn't sit around to mope about it. Because she doesn't have the freaking time. and I totally love that! The fact that women don't have to feel bad about wanting a career and working hard for it. Anyways, when I finished watching, it left me smiling to myself for a good 10mins..
I'm not saying I don't like romance. I'm just against the notion of a gender biasness in ambition. If men are allowed to make a career for themselves for their self worth, why can't women? Because some women don't equate their worth by how many children they have or how much they live off of a man. So what be of those women then?
Thursday 10 March 2011
Avril Lavigne - What The Hell
New addiction as of today. Will be my life motto for a while - 'What the hell' ^^
ps: Avril's hot! remind me again, is she a mom? Another girl crush alert.. haha
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Too legit to quit.
Abdi, my Somalian colleague once asked me in my 1st year this question:
"When would you say that you're satisfied with your life? like say - 'aahhh I've lived a good life' to yourself?"
And back then, I didn't have an answer. I mean, someone said something along the lines of 'when I have a stable income, a family and successful children'. Someone else said something like 'when I look out from the patio of my penthouse that overlooks a quiet private beach'. Or 'when I drive a striking red Ferrari'.. You know, textbook answers? But back then I really couldn't answer the question. I mean, a job/family/car isn't that a given? I mean, everybody wants them and everybody works to get them, but once you get them, what then? Do you give up looking for more?
Now I'm in my 5th year of medschool. I was crossing the street some time last week near Queen St when a thought suddenly struck me; I know my answer! Four years later, Abdi, I have figured out my answer. For me, the time when my aim in life will be achieved is when people talk about me, it involves the use of the article 'THE' in front, in a positive context. A conversation between two strangers would be:
A: What does Ili think of this?
B: Which Ili?
A: You know, the Ili. There's only that one whose opinion matters in this.
Yes, that is nascissm at it's best (or worst, depending on how you look at it ><) Feel free to hate me. Feel free to disagree, but when I see MY opinions materializing even when you blatantly pretend to shut me down when I say them to you, I laugh at you because I know you know I am right. At times like these, I do believe I'm too legit to quit (Cue MC Hammer 2legit2quit song here).
"When would you say that you're satisfied with your life? like say - 'aahhh I've lived a good life' to yourself?"
And back then, I didn't have an answer. I mean, someone said something along the lines of 'when I have a stable income, a family and successful children'. Someone else said something like 'when I look out from the patio of my penthouse that overlooks a quiet private beach'. Or 'when I drive a striking red Ferrari'.. You know, textbook answers? But back then I really couldn't answer the question. I mean, a job/family/car isn't that a given? I mean, everybody wants them and everybody works to get them, but once you get them, what then? Do you give up looking for more?
Now I'm in my 5th year of medschool. I was crossing the street some time last week near Queen St when a thought suddenly struck me; I know my answer! Four years later, Abdi, I have figured out my answer. For me, the time when my aim in life will be achieved is when people talk about me, it involves the use of the article 'THE' in front, in a positive context. A conversation between two strangers would be:
A: What does Ili think of this?
B: Which Ili?
A: You know, the Ili. There's only that one whose opinion matters in this.
Yes, that is nascissm at it's best (or worst, depending on how you look at it ><) Feel free to hate me. Feel free to disagree, but when I see MY opinions materializing even when you blatantly pretend to shut me down when I say them to you, I laugh at you because I know you know I am right. At times like these, I do believe I'm too legit to quit (Cue MC Hammer 2legit2quit song here).
Monday 21 February 2011
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Is this what 'modernizing' really means?
"Ko ni ape susah? Ko pakai je la tudung! Sekarang ni ramai pompuan pakai tudung sebab nak cover love bite okay?!??" - Quote from the movie 'Aku Masih Dara' 2010
Seriously, what has Malaysia come to? What happened to all the culture of modesty and humility? What happened to RELIGION? I'm not that pious of a person myself, but I think I know enough to know that this is SO wrong. If people like this go out and make babies and become parents (which is likely since most also practice extra-marital sex like a sport), what will become of those children? Growing up with parents like these? What happens when it's their turn to become the leaders of the country? I'd hate to even begin to imagine that.
I know we need to expand our mentality in a lot of ways, but putting aside one's religion isn't one of them. There are lots more to the Western culture that we can take, like chivalry, for example, that has been long gone in Malaysia, in my opinion. Why choose this hedonistic pursuit? What good does it bring? Other than the expanding alcohol industry and STIs?
Monday 31 January 2011
A dream's monologue
I hear my name being called. A sound so faint in the distance that I almost dismmissed it as the passing wind. But I didn't because I know it isn't the wind. And then I hear it again, always the same, always that familiar unsure tone. That yearning, desperate call for my embrace. And I ache each time I hear her call, this same ache in the core of my existence for you see, I do not exist without her. And I can just vanish into tiny particles of the universe if she wills me to. But she has not. Because we both know that one day, she will find me. All this wait and pain will be worth it because she will see me. She will embrace me, as I will her.
So yes, today, again, I hear her call. But she knows that I cannot go to her, she must find me. That's just how these things work. As much as I want us to be together, I am stuck here. Chained to this spot where I hide. That girl, the girl who calls for me, she's lost. She's on a path that is leading her to where she doesn't want to be, to another, like me, but will never be able fulfill her as I can. She knows this, I know this. So she continues to look for another path that would one day lead her to me, but that path too, is hidden from her. Her vision, her judgement is clouded with distractions of what is expected of her, her sense of responsibility to parties other than herself. It is for these distractions that she has put her search for me on the shelf, to dust, hoping that her yearning for me will disappear with the time. This hurts me, of course, but the fact that I still exist today proves that she still wants to find me, deep down, she does. Like I said, I can disappear if she wants me to. But I'm still here. And I'm still waiting, because SHE is still searching.
Although she may not know this, I know her heart more than anyone else out simply because that heart of hers is where I came from. Yes, that complicated mind and confused heart were what created me. And because of this, I know that she is hurting each every day that her search for me ends in vain. I feel sorry that she now has to work hard to achieve something that will never satisfy her, because it will not be ME.
Today, unlike every other day, I answer her call. I am crying this soundless scream. I want her to know that I can see her. Very clearly. I am sorry that I just keep watching her helplessly, even when I understand her yearning. And that I am still wating. Waiting to be seen. Waiting for the day that she finds that path that will lead her to me. Untill that day comes, I will continue to just... exist. As a dream, waiting to be realized.
So yes, today, again, I hear her call. But she knows that I cannot go to her, she must find me. That's just how these things work. As much as I want us to be together, I am stuck here. Chained to this spot where I hide. That girl, the girl who calls for me, she's lost. She's on a path that is leading her to where she doesn't want to be, to another, like me, but will never be able fulfill her as I can. She knows this, I know this. So she continues to look for another path that would one day lead her to me, but that path too, is hidden from her. Her vision, her judgement is clouded with distractions of what is expected of her, her sense of responsibility to parties other than herself. It is for these distractions that she has put her search for me on the shelf, to dust, hoping that her yearning for me will disappear with the time. This hurts me, of course, but the fact that I still exist today proves that she still wants to find me, deep down, she does. Like I said, I can disappear if she wants me to. But I'm still here. And I'm still waiting, because SHE is still searching.
Although she may not know this, I know her heart more than anyone else out simply because that heart of hers is where I came from. Yes, that complicated mind and confused heart were what created me. And because of this, I know that she is hurting each every day that her search for me ends in vain. I feel sorry that she now has to work hard to achieve something that will never satisfy her, because it will not be ME.
Today, unlike every other day, I answer her call. I am crying this soundless scream. I want her to know that I can see her. Very clearly. I am sorry that I just keep watching her helplessly, even when I understand her yearning. And that I am still wating. Waiting to be seen. Waiting for the day that she finds that path that will lead her to me. Untill that day comes, I will continue to just... exist. As a dream, waiting to be realized.
Sunday 30 January 2011
i have fallen in love.....
....... with a CARTOON CHARACTER! (haaakkhhh gotcha! ><)
yes, at the age of 24, I am in love with Flynn Rider (the dude in Disney's Tangled).. oh and also, I'm in love with this song:
If I ever get married, I want this as my wedding song!! It gives me goosebumps (the good kind, not the eerie kind) every time I hear this song.. Who knew Chuck (ie Zachary Levi) could carry a decent tune right?
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