Do you want to know what the hardest part about being abroad/away is? Well... at the moment - it'sFOOD CRAVINGS!! and being stuck in tiny misty grey Aberystwyth, I get that A LOT! As people on a constant diet can confirm, dealing with cravings takes a whole lot of determination and control.. But then again, being geographically challenged with no car of my own, it may be slightly easier to not have to give in to such wanting.. XD
Okay, seriously now.. what IS the hardest part I find about being away?
It's the sense of missing out on life
You always feel that you're missing in family pictures, friend's weddings, birthdays, vacations.. you name it. Sometimes it feels like other people go through milestones of their lives and you're an outsider, knowing about such things through Facebook/Twitter. And the worst part is, not only are you physically not included, not able to share the moment, you may also eventually lose touch with the person.. and when you come back home once a year you find huge gaps in your conversations and things become awkward for some reason. Like you no longer have things in common anymore. and then you just drop out of each others' lives because it's no longer comfortable to be around each other...
Sad isn't it? You feel that people move on. People replace you. Like all you are is just some furniture in their lives that they can just 'replace'. Oh well, I chose to be here. And I don't regret it at all. But it's still sad..
Yes, people - it's THAT time of year again!! Summer holidays are FINALLY coming and after tomorrow (hauntingly gruesome Final Simulation assessment) I will be counting the hours till I'm back on Malaysian soil!!
Heck yeah! It's been such an incredibly LONG year - 11 freaking months with only 2weeks break for Christmas and 10 days post-exam throughout the entire time... a few mental breakdowns and running aways... I am SO glad for this break. I am tired. Drained. I'm hoping this 2months at home will rest my mind and inspire me into medicine (and life in general) again...
Well, hello fellow bloggers (or whoever that's free enough to read my lame blog =P)
So yeah, too many posts on hot guys... I haven't had one of these in a while now: a girl crush! yeah, all-girl school days playing back in my mind right now~ hahahaha and here she is -
This, ladies and gentlemen, is Jessica Stroup a.k.a Erin Silver from 90210.. And if I was a boy, I'd totally crush on her.. ^^
I'm perfectly straight, don't worry... It's just that, to me beauty is to be appreciated, right? I can definitely say a girl's hot when they are. I've got no problems with that. ps: I passed my exams!!! 5th year, here I come~~ whoop whoooooppppppp!!!!
We went to have dinner at Jamie's Italian today, in St. David's. And yes, you assumed right, it is one of the many franchises using Jamie Oliver's name and recipes. And yes, it was AMAZING, to say the least... I am now £20 poorer but am very very happy with the 3-course meal I had, which were:
Appetizer: BRUSCHETTA Chargrilled ciabatta rubbed with garlic, drizzled with olive oil and topped with one of the following... Tomatoes in season, basil and creamy ricotta - Okay, this was by far my favourite dish of the night. It was so incredible. I could really taste the olive oil and the basil and even the tomatoes didn't taste vile. I would stand in line for a table (which goes on for quite a bit as no reservations are required) another day, just for this appetizer, and I am SO not kidding.
Main Course: PRAWN LINGUINE Pan fried garlicy prawns with tomatoes, chilli, rocket and fennel - This was tasty as well. I've never had rocket in my pasta before, so this was new to my taste buds. But it worked pretty well to me. I might go for the smaller (non-main course) portion the next time I'm here if I was planning on having a 3-course meal though..
Dessert: CREAMY PANACOTTA Served with raisins in a syrup-y thing. hahaha This was really good too! It's not too sweet, perfect for my picky taste~ A perfect ending to a perfect meal.. ^^
I really wish I had pictures coz I'm so excited to share my experience there. But the lighting in the restaurant was too dimmed, the food ended up looking really bad in the photos, and so I decided it wouldn't do any sort of justice to the way they actually taste. If you are up to spending money for any reason and you're craving good Italian, I'd recommend Jamie's. =D
ps: Yes, exam's over too! I forgot to mention it here. Incase anyone was wondering. I have now started 5th year stuff (even before our results come out... yeah, talk about presumtuous ><)
As CBT often promotes; a positive thought preceeds positive behaviours and feelings. So yes, heeding those words, I shall practice positive thinking skills, as of now!
So the positive things about exams:
1) It's humbling. The more you study, the more you realise that you're not all that smart like you thought you may have been. Honest. Beats the arrogance out of you like nothing else...
2) Teaches you to appreciate time, especially nearer exams..
3) Makes you look forward to the time you will have AFTER exams, not having to study...
4) Reminds you of what degree it is that you're taking in the 1st place... LOL!!
5) Brings you closer to God. There's nothing like the fear of the unknown to bring you closer to Him... How shameful of a slave am I... but it really is the truth
6) Brings you closer to your comrades as you fight on a common path, towards similar aim.. the knowledge you share... and knowing that the hope of getting through this fight unscathed TOGETHER keeps us working~
okay... I've run out of positive things to say about exams... so yeah, dah puas melepaskan perasaan... mari belajar ye rakan-rakan? Doakan kejayaan saya juga!! ^^
It has been a tough and annoying few weeks for me...
1st of all, my laptop started to slow and gave up on me... Sent me through a whole dilemma of having to buy a new one n risk being poor for some months in the future or put up with it dying and go look for a new one when it dies on me in the future.. After a 2 weeks of thinking and calculating my bank balance, the deciding factor was Currys Bank Holiday sale for me. I am now a proud (?) owner of a beautiful black 15.6" screen Dell Inspiron ^^
Then the weekend that my (old) laptop started to act up, the washing machine in our house broke, with my telekung solat in it! So I had to pray the hard way, with tudung, socks n coat (in my own room) everytime for a week.. coz the annoying thing wouldn't open the door unless it's done washing, not even when it's turned off (or in this case, broken) Had to leave the clothes in there until Monday coz electricians here don't work weekends.. Went off to Llanelli for placement for a week, came back the next weekend just to find out the problem STILL hadn't been fixed so my clothes had been stinking coz it's been soaked in soapy water for so long.... Rus and I even had to go over the boys' to wash our (smelly) clothes.. And guess what? The landlord's replaced the old machine for a 'new' one that now refuses to turn on. Like, seriously~~~
Dr. Sargeant was talking about the 'social factor of learning'and how one needs to be happy to be a productive learner.. Going through these past weeks, I completely agree with him. I mean, it may seem petty to most people but worrying about money is a HUGE deal for me. It takes up most, if not all, of my focus... I am just glad at least the laptop worry is settled, the money side of things is still up in the air, but I have chosen to not think about it so much... Worst comes to worst, I'll just eat bread and eggs for the rest of month! hahaha
I am a self-proclaimed fan of the american tv series, "How I Met Your Mother".... It's pretty well known and I've been following it since the days of season 3, now it's on the 5th season.. I won't tell you here what the show is about, coz if you don't already know, you can google it ^^
The episode this week was about Ted making a bad choice in buying a wrecked house because he felt like his life was stagnant. He claimed that being party to his mother's 2nd wedding when he himself hasn't even been married once, is a bit too much for him to accept.
He said, "Everyone's moved on but me. And I'm exactly where I was 5 years ago. I'm sick of it."
It really hit home for me. Not the 'wanting to get married part' but almost everything else.. how everybody seems to be moving on but I'm just in the same place I've been in 4 years ago. I am still here. Still pretty much the same except fatter. I am still struggling with a degree I don't really care much about. I am still trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. While my other friends just seem to have found their place in the world, I am still ...... well, just 'still'.....
And at the end of the episode, I was so touched when Marshall started a BBQ in Ted's broken down house because he knew his best friend was gonna stick by his delusions anyway and as his friend, he will stand by Ted. I hope that one day when I make a stupid/delusional decision I will have someone who knows me that well will stand by me just as well..
Me taking this degree may have been a bad choice.. or it may not.. I still don't know. I guess, only some time in the future can I look back and know for sure what it is.. For now, I just gotta pull through and then think about what to do...
ps: don't get me wrong, I love being overseas. I love having to study in English n not have to feel inadequate at my own mother tongue. I love the shopping here. I love the cold.. I just don't think I like medicine..
Note: This post is specially for those who know and support my intense current interest I will not apologise for writing on topics that others might deem 'superficial'. If you were expecting a post on humanity or world peace or everything else that's wrong with the world today, I warn you not to read ahead.
Okay. Although I've sworn to myself to not write about such matters in my blog, so as not to advertise my inner 'fangirl-ing self' to the world, but things have been so crazy lately that I've deicided to add my 2cents on it, even if it makes no difference to what is happening.
For those who don't already know, I'm going to talk about the heated battle, or should I say WAR between Jay's fans and 2PM's fans. What pushed me to this? Well, the other day I read a long post by a Korean fan telling that "You have to pick sides. There's no way that you can support all 7 of them. You're either for Jay or for 6PM. You can't be both" Well, my post is to say, "Yes, you can. You just can't be immature about it."
Ever since the conference that JYPE has stupidly put 2PM forth to advertise their alleged betrayal, fans have turned their backs on the very idols they have sworn their lives on to protect. I understand the connotation that they feel betrayed. I understand that they feel that if they don't absolutely hate 2PM, Jay would feel betrayed. So now they feel that they absolutely must pick sides.
Well, here's what I think. Do they ever stop and think about how Jay feels about them reacting this way? You know what this looks like to me? Kids throwing a tantrum because they cannot get what they want. And when my dongsaengs used to do that, my mom used to just ignore them and move on. They will stop and learn that life's shit. And you don't always get what you want, not even if you act up. Grow up people... What's sadder is that there are so many adult fans (who may even have children of their own) amongst these fans-turned-antis.
Why do we as fans have to pick sides? Why can't we support both parties? I mean it's not like picking between your mom and dad. To me, it's as simple as, when Jay makes a comeback in the ent. world, we buy his stuff. We go to his concerts. We cheer for him. We write in fan-forums. We sub his videos. And when 2PM makes a comeback, we just do absolutely the same. What's so difficult abt that? Love isn't a limited entity that has an expiry date. So why all this hating?
I don't even think the boys themselves are battling as hard as their fans are right now. For all we know, they might be on the phone ever other night while the fans are painstakingly cooking up new plans to put each other down. Oh come on people. For whatever reason that they did what they did, it's none of our business. Why are you taking everything like it's a personal act of betrayal? Why are you putting yourselves in a position to get hurt? How do you define the word 'fan' anyway?
Speaking of comebacks, now there's noise about 2PM's "sudden" plans for an Apr comeback. I'm not sure if you guys have gone senile, despite your high-school age, but way back in Dec/Jan when they had their goodbye stage for Heartbeat, they already said that they'll be back in April. So what's this about it being 'sudden' and 'it's an attempt to shut down Jay's public reappearance in the States'?? It was stated ages ago. So why make so much noise now?
Urgh. I have so much anger in me right now about this topic that I can't even possibly write them all down here. I just wish that they would just realise that 2PM deserves as much love as Jay. But I guess, for all the months Jay's been in hiding in Seattle since Sept till now, it's time for 2PM to feel the same. And if the cycle works out, the day when they will be loved again will come. I'm waiting for that to happen. Because I'm not ready to let them disappear into the abyss just yet. They're just 2 years old. They deserve a future, and so does Jay. And so, to answer my own predicament, I choose sanity over loyalty. It's just more sane to sit idly by and cheer for both parties, as what fans should do...
Since my Feb OSCEs are finally out of the way, I now have some time off in my hands. What else do I do other than catch up on lost drama episodes that I have been keeping for times exactly like now... So I was watching Criminal Minds (after finally updating myself with all the episodes of Bones up until the current episode =P).
This Criminal Minds episode was about the kidnapping of two teenage girls, one of them being the daughter of an ex-assassin who was under the witness protection unit. When his daughter was taken from him, although he promised on his wife's deathbed that he will leave all the killing behind him and change his ways, he went on a vengeance spree and hunted them down. And finally killing those boys off, one by one. He now faces heavy penalty for what he's done but he did it for his daughter. And watching that made me think....
And I'm sure all the daughters who have a father like mine will understand what I'm trying to say. He may be overbearing at times, always wanting to fight my battles for me, always treating me like the little princess I was maybe 10 years ago. And I whine about it a lot, and I mean, A LOT. But deep down, I know. I know that if anybody dare hurt me, he would be the first person to save me. I am certain, that my father, who spends his time minding his garden, would be able to load a shot gun if it would mean to save me. I am almost convinced now that no man in my entire lifetime would ever love me as much as my father does.
So to everyone whose life is made hard from an overbearing father, I think it's healthy to sometimes think back to the simple fact that out fathers love us, no matter what. And at least we have a father who is there and who cares, which is much more than what others out there may have..
I'm now in my 4th year and InsyaAllah will be graduating in slightly more than a year (Gosh, how scary is that??) and being in Cardiff, not Malaysia - the country I was obviously born and bred in, I get asked this question a lot through the years I've been here. And I mean, A LOT.
When I answer "Malaysia" to the question: "Where are you from?", I get all kinds of replies. Some of the more geographically challenged ones will just brush it off with an "Oh. I see." [change topic, quick, I dunno where that is!] I think they never ask why I'm doing medicine in the UK and not in Malaysia because they must assume we haven't any universities there (I've been told this many times so it isn't just me making assumptions)
So when I do get asked, "So why are you doing medicine in the UK? Aren't there any medical schools in Malaysia?" normally, they're generally curious or just trying to make conversation. And I always give the same answer: "There are very few medical schools there compared to the people applying a place in them". Usually they take answer and that's the end of that.
Today during ward round, one of the consultants (I think he's a locum.. I'm not sure, wasn't wearing a name tag) asked me that question. And I gave him my standard answer. But he persisted on:
Him: So the logic here is Malaysia needs more doctors than they can educate themselves, so they send them over here? Me: I suppose so. Him: So I assume you're sponsored then? Me: Yes, I am. Him: How do they pick who to send overseas? I mean, based on what merit? (gave me an implying look - which, I have to say, I don't get exactly what is he implying) Me: Urmm... well, (I was just about to tell him about SPM @Malaysia's GCSE equivalent) Him: You'd think they'd pick the really smart ones to spend money on.....
Like seriously, how was I meant to respond to that? Honestly... I mean, not pretty, fine. Not hot, I really am not, so fine. Not nice, yeah I can be a b*tch, so fine. Not loyal, I can be that too, so fine. But not smart? wow... I mean, I don't mean to sound conceited but I am not dumb! I'm not brilliant, not a nobel-prize winner in the making obviously, but I really don't think I'm dumb. Am I?
I felt that was a bit unfair considering the fact that I've just met him about 20mins before that conversation. I bet he was trying to be funny, only I found it a little insulting. Oh well, maybe I kinda did deserve that. There is a lot I still don't know, considering the fact that I'm already in my 4th year! Oh my ego is bruised nonetheless...
p/s: on a lighter note, can't wait for 2AM's new song coming out on 21.01.2010! OneDay Daebak!!
*Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to this video.
I really think this is worth mentioning in my blog! My brother (who's the youngest and is 10 years old) is currently very badly influenced by his kpop-crazy older sisters. And this is who's on top of his list! hahaha As I've said on countless occasions, I am actually proud that my brother has taste (coz admittedly, even I think this is hot!) but then slightly worried that he's developed such taste at that age... No idea who that is? That's HyunAh of the girl group 4Minute from South Korea. Still no idea who I'm talking about? Well, you don't have to know who she is to understand my dilemma lol~ So what say you guys, should be worried? Should I be glad? =P
You know how you watch movies and sometimes they have this scene of two people being stranded in a broken down car on a highway with close to NO cars passing by in a snow storm? Well, as dramatic as it sounds, surprisingly, recently I found out that if it does happen to you in real life, it is just as dramatic as they are in the movies...
So what happened?
Well, this week I was on placement in Merthyr, the famous hospital to give snow days off to students because of the heavy snow they tend to get and the dangerous road conditions heading up to the hospital. On Tuesday, by about 3.30pm Rich (my partner) and I got a text from the Undergrad office telling us to leave before a snow storm hits and we'd be stranded up there. Happily, we rushed off back (we were in a painfully dull clinic anyways). Obviously, when there's a bad weather warning, everyone rushes back, the two-lane highway quickly piled traffic and we were stuck in d midst of it all. But thankfully, traffic was moving, so it wasn't so bad..
Or so I thought...
Suddenly, without any notice the car just died. And it won't restart. Again and again. In the middle of a highway. In d midst of a snow storm! Finally succumbing to the situation, we decided to push the car to the roadside. Well, Rich and two other guys (very nice of them to stop and help us) pushed with me in the car, trying to be helpful with the steering wheel while they pushed as I was instructed to stay in the car.
Well, obviously both our handphones had to run very low of battery. Mine had already died hours before all this even started. His was on whatever remnant there was. After an unseccuessful attempt at trying to figure out what the problem was (well, Rich did. Again, I stayed in the car), he resorted to call his dad who called a mechanic for us. The mechanic person called Rich and tried to talk him through some things dat cud be wrong. but since nothing worked, the conclusion was that the car needed to be towed back to be looked at.
Great. About an hour after the whole thing started, his dad called to say the tow person is coming from Cardiff and will take abt 1 and half hours to get to us. By then we were already freezing our butts off~ don't forget the below -ve°C temperature going on at the same time. And oh, right after the call, his phone died completely.
Suddenly I realised, I needed to perform my Maghrib prayers before Isya' starts. And I had to do my wudhu. Pastu teringat, Ustaz Erfino cakap boleh tayamum pkai debu on surfaces. Tapi, kat luar keta banyak air mutlak kot.. so macam terpaksa la guna snow, sbb mmg takde alasan nk tayamum. Have u ever washed your face, hands, head, ears and feet with snow? Well, I can proudly say I have! Rich looked horrified at the idea but just gave a "i-do-not-want-to-be-you" look while he said, "have fun!" as I stepped out of the car with my sleeves rolled up and socks-less to do my wudhu. As soon as I stepped back into the car, I was shivering like mad. Luckily, he always carry in his car a sleeping bag and a thick blanket with spare pair of gloves. So I bundled up then prayed.
Then there was a matter of passing the time until help arrived. We read a book together. Him in his sleeping bag and me in my coat, scarf and blanket. It was quite a good book abt autism. But by about 30mins of it, we got bored. Then we decided to quiz each other about ENT. That lasted about 40mins, before we got bored of that too. Then we decided to sleep the time away.
I couldn't ignore the cold to sleep. I mean, by then I couldn't feel anything below my ankles except that it was really COLD. Rich slept for like 5mins before suddenly waking up. Then he went like
R: Shit, I have to pee! Me: urm... I don't have a bottle or anything for u to pee in.. R: Ili, dats disgusting! Me: hahaha well, there are loads of bushes out there if u want to brave the cold.. R: ummmm.... ummmmm....
5 mins passes..
R: Ah sod it! I really need to go.. So he finally left the car and got it over with..
After waiting 3 and a half hours, Rich decided he had to go find a phone to find out what was going on and whether help was indeed coming or not. So left me in the car and locked the car from outside and took the keys with him. "Just incase some nut gets funny ideas about a girl being alone in a car by the highway," he said.
I was still trying to sleep while imagining what I would have for dinner once I got home later. I was starving. We only had a bar of chocolate between us to sustain until help arrived (his, which he very kindly shared with me) Obviously I couldn't sleep what with all the cold and hunger I was subjecting myself to, sleep was the last thing my body wanted. Suddenly came a knock on my window. It was the man who came to help us! He finally got to us, at about an 1 and a half hours later than promised. He said the traffic out of Cardiff was horrible. It took him 2+hours to do a journey that would've taken normally 30mins.
But in his truck, I was warm. And the idea of home didn't seem too distant. So I was happy, whatever his reasons for being late were. At least he didn't abandon us. I got home at about 9.30pm, probably the latest I've ever come back from placement ever.
How do I feel about all this? Well... at the time, I felt like... aside from the men in my family, I've never felt more like a girl than I felt in that car with Rich. All my guy friends always assume I can fend for myself, and so they never bother. Not like how they'd treat other girls. But that night, I felt taken care of. He really took charge of the situation. He found us warm covers, gloves. He walked 800m in the snow storm to find a phone. He never asked me to get out of the car unless he really needed me to, not even to help push the car. I thought to myself, "So this is how other girls must feel. Must be good to be them." hahahaha
well, I'm glad we're both safe. And it all ended pretty well. So there you go, my very LONG and dramatic story this winter...
My God, how lousy am I at keeping this blogging thing alive? I mean, I just had a two week break and you can trust me to keep it almost completely medicine-free!! and with all that time, shame I couldn't find some 10minutes to write something here.. oh well~
What I did, u know, aside from sleeping:
1) Finished up season 1 of GLEE! It's an amazing teenage drama and everyone who's into musicals should really watch it. They sing new songs every episode with different choreography each time. I was hoping to pass more time with it but it was only 13 episodes.. so didnt take more than two half-days for me to completely run through them! lol~
2) Hosting Te'ah n Shak. Couple yg comel ni came down to Cardiif but I was a lousy host.. so I don't think I did very much for them aside from providing free lodging! mianhe, Teah-ssi~~
3) Boxing Day shopping. Okay, so any right minded female in the western world would NEVER miss this day. I mean, I actually woke up at 6.50am and started walking towards town at 7.30!! on a holiday! Dats how much Boxing Day means to us over here.. n needless to say, shopping is indeed a therapy for the suppressed soul~ well, it was therapy then, but now my bank account is taking some time to recover from it.. but it was still SO worth it! =P
4) London trip/bumming with Aida! (to be further delved upon in my next post, coming hopefully soon =P)
I'm content but at d same time wishing for more or less.. I question but at d same time I answer.. I love but at d same time I hate.. what can I say, I live in a paradox..
