Exams... o_0

As CBT often promotes; a positive thought preceeds positive behaviours and feelings. So yes, heeding those words, I shall practice positive thinking skills, as of now!

So the positive things about exams:

1) It's humbling. The more you study, the more you realise that you're not all that smart like you thought you may have been. Honest. Beats the arrogance out of you like nothing else...

2) Teaches you to appreciate time, especially nearer exams..

3) Makes you look forward to the time you will have AFTER exams, not having to study...

4) Reminds you of what degree it is that you're taking in the 1st place... LOL!!

5) Brings you closer to God. There's nothing like the fear of the unknown to bring you closer to Him... How shameful of a slave am I... but it really is the truth

6) Brings you closer to your comrades as you fight on a common path, towards similar aim.. the knowledge you share... and knowing that the hope of getting through this fight unscathed TOGETHER keeps us working~


okay... I've run out of positive things to say about exams... so yeah, dah puas melepaskan perasaan... mari belajar ye rakan-rakan? Doakan kejayaan saya juga!! ^^

Ranjau sepanjang jalan...

It has been a tough and annoying few weeks for me...

1st of all, my laptop started to slow and gave up on me... Sent me through a whole dilemma of having to buy a new one n risk being poor for some months in the future or put up with it dying and go look for a new one when it dies on me in the future.. After a 2 weeks of thinking and calculating my bank balance, the deciding factor was Currys Bank Holiday sale for me. I am now a proud (?) owner of a beautiful black 15.6" screen Dell Inspiron ^^

Then the weekend that my (old) laptop started to act up, the washing machine in our house broke, with my telekung solat in it! So I had to pray the hard way, with tudung, socks n coat (in my own room) everytime for a week.. coz the annoying thing wouldn't open the door unless it's done washing, not even when it's turned off (or in this case, broken) Had to leave the clothes in there until Monday coz electricians here don't work weekends.. Went off to Llanelli for placement for a week, came back the next weekend just to find out the problem STILL hadn't been fixed so my clothes had been stinking coz it's been soaked in soapy water for so long.... Rus and I even had to go over the boys' to wash our (smelly) clothes.. And guess what? The landlord's replaced the old machine for a 'new' one that now refuses to turn on. Like, seriously~~~

Dr. Sargeant was talking about the 'social factor of learning' and how one needs to be happy to be a productive learner.. Going through these past weeks, I completely agree with him. I mean, it may seem petty to most people but worrying about money is a HUGE deal for me. It takes up most, if not all, of my focus... I am just glad at least the laptop worry is settled, the money side of things is still up in the air, but I have chosen to not think about it so much... Worst comes to worst, I'll just eat bread and eggs for the rest of month! hahaha

ps: Oh and yeah, exam's NEXT week!! Erkk....

Bad choices...

I am a self-proclaimed fan of the american tv series, "How I Met Your Mother".... It's pretty well known and I've been following it since the days of season 3, now it's on the 5th season.. I won't tell you here what the show is about, coz if you don't already know, you can google it ^^

The episode this week was about Ted making a bad choice in buying a wrecked house because he felt like his life was stagnant. He claimed that being party to his mother's 2nd wedding when he himself hasn't even been married once, is a bit too much for him to accept.

He said, "Everyone's moved on but me. And I'm exactly where I was 5 years ago. I'm sick of it."

It really hit home for me. Not the 'wanting to get married part' but almost everything else.. how everybody seems to be moving on but I'm just in the same place I've been in 4 years ago. I am still here. Still pretty much the same except fatter. I am still struggling with a degree I don't really care much about. I am still trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. While my other friends just seem to have found their place in the world, I am still ...... well, just 'still'.....

And at the end of the episode, I was so touched when Marshall started a BBQ in Ted's broken down house because he knew his best friend was gonna stick by his delusions anyway and as his friend, he will stand by Ted. I hope that one day when I make a stupid/delusional decision I will have someone who knows me that well will stand by me just as well..

Me taking this degree may have been a bad choice.. or it may not.. I still don't know. I guess, only some time in the future can I look back and know for sure what it is.. For now, I just gotta pull through and then think about what to do...

ps: don't get me wrong, I love being overseas. I love having to study in English n not have to feel inadequate at my own mother tongue. I love the shopping here. I love the cold.. I just don't think I like medicine..

Loyalty vs Sanity?

Note: This post is specially for those who know and support my intense current interest I will not apologise for writing on topics that others might deem 'superficial'. If you were expecting a post on humanity or world peace or everything else that's wrong with the world today, I warn you not to read ahead.

Okay. Although I've sworn to myself to not write about such matters in my blog, so as not to advertise my inner 'fangirl-ing self' to the world, but things have been so crazy lately that I've deicided to add my 2cents on it, even if it makes no difference to what is happening.

For those who don't already know, I'm going to talk about the heated battle, or should I say WAR between Jay's fans and 2PM's fans. What pushed me to this? Well, the other day I read a long post by a Korean fan telling that "You have to pick sides. There's no way that you can support all 7 of them. You're either for Jay or for 6PM. You can't be both" Well, my post is to say, "Yes, you can. You just can't be immature about it."

Ever since the conference that JYPE has stupidly put 2PM forth to advertise their alleged betrayal, fans have turned their backs on the very idols they have sworn their lives on to protect. I understand the connotation that they feel betrayed. I understand that they feel that if they don't absolutely hate 2PM, Jay would feel betrayed. So now they feel that they absolutely must pick sides.

Well, here's what I think. Do they ever stop and think about how Jay feels about them reacting this way? You know what this looks like to me? Kids throwing a tantrum because they cannot get what they want. And when my dongsaengs used to do that, my mom used to just ignore them and move on. They will stop and learn that life's shit. And you don't always get what you want, not even if you act up. Grow up people... What's sadder is that there are so many adult fans (who may even have children of their own) amongst these fans-turned-antis.

Why do we as fans have to pick sides? Why can't we support both parties? I mean it's not like picking between your mom and dad. To me, it's as simple as, when Jay makes a comeback in the ent. world, we buy his stuff. We go to his concerts. We cheer for him. We write in fan-forums. We sub his videos. And when 2PM makes a comeback, we just do absolutely the same. What's so difficult abt that? Love isn't a limited entity that has an expiry date. So why all this hating?

I don't even think the boys themselves are battling as hard as their fans are right now. For all we know, they might be on the phone ever other night while the fans are painstakingly cooking up new plans to put each other down. Oh come on people. For whatever reason that they did what they did, it's none of our business. Why are you taking everything like it's a personal act of betrayal? Why are you putting yourselves in a position to get hurt? How do you define the word 'fan' anyway?

Speaking of comebacks, now there's noise about 2PM's "sudden" plans for an Apr comeback. I'm not sure if you guys have gone senile, despite your high-school age, but way back in Dec/Jan when they had their goodbye stage for Heartbeat, they already said that they'll be back in April. So what's this about it being 'sudden' and 'it's an attempt to shut down Jay's public reappearance in the States'?? It was stated ages ago. So why make so much noise now?

Urgh. I have so much anger in me right now about this topic that I can't even possibly write them all down here. I just wish that they would just realise that 2PM deserves as much love as Jay. But I guess, for all the months Jay's been in hiding in Seattle since Sept till now, it's time for 2PM to feel the same. And if the cycle works out, the day when they will be loved again will come. I'm waiting for that to happen. Because I'm not ready to let them disappear into the abyss just yet. They're just 2 years old. They deserve a future, and so does Jay. And so, to answer my own predicament, I choose sanity over loyalty. It's just more sane to sit idly by and cheer for both parties, as what fans should do...

Cravings~

FOOD THAT I WANT TO EAT BUT AM CURRENTLY UNABLE TO DUE TO GEOGRAPHICAL REASONS:

1) Bihun sup tulang R+R Juru (on Southbound side)

2) Bihun sup perut Padang Besar

3) Mee rebus tomato tulang mama masak

4) Nasi putih + sambal ikan keli + masak lemak rebung mama masak

5) Lamb Chop ayah masak

6) Ikan dory with pistachio/cream + asparagus ayah masak

7) Spaghetti bolognaise ayah masak

8) Laksa mama masak

9) Cendol dekat St George

10) Pasembur bawah Larut Matang

Counting down days to going home~~~~~~~

ps: I do sincerely apologise for my absence from the blogging world. Have had nothing much to say lately.. huhu

Daddy...

Since my Feb OSCEs are finally out of the way, I now have some time off in my hands. What else do I do other than catch up on lost drama episodes that I have been keeping for times exactly like now... So I was watching Criminal Minds (after finally updating myself with all the episodes of Bones up until the current episode =P).

This Criminal Minds episode was about the kidnapping of two teenage girls, one of them being the daughter of an ex-assassin who was under the witness protection unit. When his daughter was taken from him, although he promised on his wife's deathbed that he will leave all the killing behind him and change his ways, he went on a vengeance spree and hunted them down. And finally killing those boys off, one by one. He now faces heavy penalty for what he's done but he did it for his daughter. And watching that made me think....

And I'm sure all the daughters who have a father like mine will understand what I'm trying to say. He may be overbearing at times, always wanting to fight my battles for me, always treating me like the little princess I was maybe 10 years ago. And I whine about it a lot, and I mean, A LOT. But deep down, I know. I know that if anybody dare hurt me, he would be the first person to save me. I am certain, that my father, who spends his time minding his garden, would be able to load a shot gun if it would mean to save me. I am almost convinced now that no man in my entire lifetime would ever love me as much as my father does.

So to everyone whose life is made hard from an overbearing father, I think it's healthy to sometimes think back to the simple fact that out fathers love us, no matter what. And at least we have a father who is there and who cares, which is much more than what others out there may have..

Don't they have Medical schools in Malaysia?

I'm now in my 4th year and InsyaAllah will be graduating in slightly more than a year (Gosh, how scary is that??) and being in Cardiff, not Malaysia - the country I was obviously born and bred in, I get asked this question a lot through the years I've been here. And I mean, A LOT.

When I answer "Malaysia" to the question: "Where are you from?", I get all kinds of replies. Some of the more geographically challenged ones will just brush it off with an "Oh. I see." [change topic, quick, I dunno where that is!] I think they never ask why I'm doing medicine in the UK and not in Malaysia because they must assume we haven't any universities there (I've been told this many times so it isn't just me making assumptions)

So when I do get asked, "So why are you doing medicine in the UK? Aren't there any medical schools in Malaysia?" normally, they're generally curious or just trying to make conversation. And I always give the same answer: "There are very few medical schools there compared to the people applying a place in them". Usually they take answer and that's the end of that.

Today during ward round, one of the consultants (I think he's a locum.. I'm not sure, wasn't wearing a name tag) asked me that question. And I gave him my standard answer. But he persisted on:

Him: So the logic here is Malaysia needs more doctors than they can educate themselves, so they send them over here?
Me: I suppose so.
Him: So I assume you're sponsored then?
Me: Yes, I am.
Him: How do they pick who to send overseas? I mean, based on what merit?
(gave me an implying look - which, I have to say, I don't get exactly what is he implying)
Me: Urmm... well, (I was just about to tell him about SPM @Malaysia's GCSE equivalent)
Him: You'd think they'd pick the really smart ones to spend money on.....

Like seriously, how was I meant to respond to that? Honestly... I mean, not pretty, fine. Not hot, I really am not, so fine. Not nice, yeah I can be a b*tch, so fine. Not loyal, I can be that too, so fine. But not smart? wow... I mean, I don't mean to sound conceited but I am not dumb! I'm not brilliant, not a nobel-prize winner in the making obviously, but I really don't think I'm dumb. Am I?

I felt that was a bit unfair considering the fact that I've just met him about 20mins before that conversation. I bet he was trying to be funny, only I found it a little insulting. Oh well, maybe I kinda did deserve that. There is a lot I still don't know, considering the fact that I'm already in my 4th year! Oh my ego is bruised nonetheless...

p/s: on a lighter note, can't wait for 2AM's new song coming out on 21.01.2010! OneDay Daebak!!