..life's a paradox..

2011-06-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

This time next week I will already have known whether I am or not a doctor. 'Scary' doesn't even begin to describe it for me right now....

bismillahitawakkaltu'alallah.......

Rhyl.. oh Rhyl...

2011-06-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm FINALLY back in Cardiff!! >< I've only been away 4 weeks this time, but it felt too long... Five years being in the UK, I haven't been homesick since I had surgery in 1st year... That was until I went to Rhyl. I'm not kidding. I blame the lack of working fast internet, which meant NO KPOP... which meant TORMENT to me.. by the end of the placement, my head wasn't in the right place anymore....

The lack of fast internet kinda also deprived me of a lot more than kpop but I think that was what nearly drove me insane.. How am I going to work there laaaaaa in August?? T__T

"Born This Way" - Lady Gaga (Sam Tsui Cover)

2011-04-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

I really like the covers this guy makes. He actually made me properly listen to the lyrics of this song. And seeing as it's a Gaga song, that says a lot actually. hahaha

So people, God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way. ^__^

2011-04-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

Life is cruel. And life is unfair. Let's face it, that is nothing new. The older you are, the more curve balls life throws at you. The more cracked/broken the tinted glass you used to view life with when you were little. This isn't a rant about how my life sucks, because it doesn't, not by my standards. I mean, I could be doing a lot worse than I am now, so I am thankful.

But you know what's funny? People. People are funny. When we meet people, all guarded, they complain we're too distant and fake. When we put our guard down and finally decide to let people in, like IN in, they decide it's not for them, so they leave. Or they don't leave but replace us and expect us to leave instead. So then, with a shrug, we do. Because, we don't have time to sit there and wallow in self pity at how we've been 'victimised'. And at the end of the day, we're left with this "I knew it!" smile on our faces and we move on, more guarded than before. So the cycle continues..... again.. and again. And all the tree hugging hippies who swear by optimism look at us and wonder how we've become such skeptics..

I would like to take this moment to say to all my friends, my real friends, not acquaintances, not fake superficial friends, that I love you. And I thank you. For staying as a real friend throughout these years. It's because of people like yourselves that I still possess some form of optimism and compassion, and not a completely soulless shell of a person.

What's the story, morning glory?

2011-03-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, as the title (and the poster above probably) might have given it away, I'm going to write about this fluff-type of movie. I don't really know how to classify this movie, it's not a romantic comedy really.. it's not really a chick flick, coz they're not really in high school talking about hot boys.. oh well, whatever the category it falls under, I just want to say, I loved it! It goes well with my 'I have a dream' phase I'm having right now (although I don't really know what exactly that dream is yet.. I'm just determined to be something - refer previous post).

The movie is about Becky (Rachel McAdams) who plays the role of an exec producer of a morning talk show that's on the verge of being shut down. She works her ass off because she's so determined to prove herself and she's confident in carrying herself, especially because she knows who she is and what she wants. I think I love it so because I envy her confidence. I envy her sense of direction in life. She's 28 and single because her work is all of her. And she doesn't sit around to mope about it. Because she doesn't have the freaking time. and I totally love that! The fact that women don't have to feel bad about wanting a career and working hard for it. Anyways, when I finished watching, it left me smiling to myself for a good 10mins..

I'm not saying I don't like romance. I'm just against the notion of a gender biasness in ambition. If men are allowed to make a career for themselves for their self worth, why can't women? Because some women don't equate their worth by how many children they have or how much they live off of a man. So what be of those women then?

Avril Lavigne - What The Hell

2011-03-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

New addiction as of today. Will be my life motto for a while - 'What the hell' ^^

ps: Avril's hot! remind me again, is she a mom? Another girl crush alert.. haha

Too legit to quit.

2011-03-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

Abdi, my Somalian colleague once asked me in my 1st year this question:

"When would you say that you're satisfied with your life? like say - 'aahhh I've lived a good life' to yourself?"

And back then, I didn't have an answer. I mean, someone said something along the lines of 'when I have a stable income, a family and successful children'. Someone else said something like 'when I look out from the patio of my penthouse that overlooks a quiet private beach'. Or 'when I drive a striking red Ferrari'.. You know, textbook answers? But back then I really couldn't answer the question. I mean, a job/family/car isn't that a given? I mean, everybody wants them and everybody works to get them, but once you get them, what then? Do you give up looking for more?

Now I'm in my 5th year of medschool. I was crossing the street some time last week near Queen St when a thought suddenly struck me; I know my answer! Four years later, Abdi, I have figured out my answer. For me, the time when my aim in life will be achieved is when people talk about me, it involves the use of the article 'THE' in front, in a positive context. A conversation between two strangers would be:

A: What does Ili think of this?
B: Which Ili?
A: You know, the Ili. There's only that one whose opinion matters in this.

Yes, that is nascissm at it's best (or worst, depending on how you look at it ><) Feel free to hate me. Feel free to disagree, but when I see MY opinions materializing even when you blatantly pretend to shut me down when I say them to you, I laugh at you because I know you know I am right. At times like these, I do believe I'm too legit to quit (Cue MC Hammer 2legit2quit song here).

2011-02-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

i am seriously shaking with anger right now. like honestly. i haven't been this angry in YEARS. i feel like the hot headed teenager is was before.

breathe... ili, just breathe...

Is this what 'modernizing' really means?

2011-02-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

"Ko ni ape susah? Ko pakai je la tudung! Sekarang ni ramai pompuan pakai tudung sebab nak cover love bite okay?!??" - Quote from the movie 'Aku Masih Dara' 2010

Seriously, what has Malaysia come to? What happened to all the culture of modesty and humility? What happened to RELIGION? I'm not that pious of a person myself, but I think I know enough to know that this is SO wrong. If people like this go out and make babies and become parents (which is likely since most also practice extra-marital sex like a sport), what will become of those children? Growing up with parents like these? What happens when it's their turn to become the leaders of the country? I'd hate to even begin to imagine that.

I know we need to expand our mentality in a lot of ways, but putting aside one's religion isn't one of them. There are lots more to the Western culture that we can take, like chivalry, for example, that has been long gone in Malaysia, in my opinion. Why choose this hedonistic pursuit? What good does it bring? Other than the expanding alcohol industry and STIs?

A dream's monologue

2011-01-31T03:43:00.000-08:00

I hear my name being called. A sound so faint in the distance that I almost dismmissed it as the passing wind. But I didn't because I know it isn't the wind. And then I hear it again, always the same, always that familiar unsure tone. That yearning, desperate call for my embrace. And I ache each time I hear her call, this same ache in the core of my existence for you see, I do not exist without her. And I can just vanish into tiny particles of the universe if she wills me to. But she has not. Because we both know that one day, she will find me. All this wait and pain will be worth it because she will see me. She will embrace me, as I will her.

So yes, today, again, I hear her call. But she knows that I cannot go to her, she must find me. That's just how these things work. As much as I want us to be together, I am stuck here. Chained to this spot where I hide. That girl, the girl who calls for me, she's lost. She's on a path that is leading her to where she doesn't want to be, to another, like me, but will never be able fulfill her as I can. She knows this, I know this. So she continues to look for another path that would one day lead her to me, but that path too, is hidden from her. Her vision, her judgement is clouded with distractions of what is expected of her, her sense of responsibility to parties other than herself. It is for these distractions that she has put her search for me on the shelf, to dust, hoping that her yearning for me will disappear with the time. This hurts me, of course, but the fact that I still exist today proves that she still wants to find me, deep down, she does. Like I said, I can disappear if she wants me to. But I'm still here. And I'm still waiting, because SHE is still searching.

Although she may not know this, I know her heart more than anyone else out simply because that heart of hers is where I came from. Yes, that complicated mind and confused heart were what created me. And because of this, I know that she is hurting each every day that her search for me ends in vain. I feel sorry that she now has to work hard to achieve something that will never satisfy her, because it will not be ME.

Today, unlike every other day, I answer her call. I am crying this soundless scream. I want her to know that I can see her. Very clearly. I am sorry that I just keep watching her helplessly, even when I understand her yearning. And that I am still wating. Waiting to be seen. Waiting for the day that she finds that path that will lead her to me. Untill that day comes, I will continue to just... exist. As a dream, waiting to be realized.

i have fallen in love.....

2011-01-30T11:20:00.000-08:00

....... with a CARTOON CHARACTER! (haaakkhhh gotcha! ><)

yes, at the age of 24, I am in love with Flynn Rider (the dude in Disney's Tangled).. oh and also, I'm in love with this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw6q5189kpc&feature=related

If I ever get married, I want this as my wedding song!! It gives me goosebumps (the good kind, not the eerie kind) every time I hear this song.. Who knew Chuck (ie Zachary Levi) could carry a decent tune right?

The hardest part is..

2010-11-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know what the hardest part about being abroad/away is? Well... at the moment - it's FOOD CRAVINGS!! and being stuck in tiny misty grey Aberystwyth, I get that A LOT! As people on a constant diet can confirm, dealing with cravings takes a whole lot of determination and control.. But then again, being geographically challenged with no car of my own, it may be slightly easier to not have to give in to such wanting.. XD

Okay, seriously now.. what IS the hardest part I find about being away?

It's the sense of missing out on life

You always feel that you're missing in family pictures, friend's weddings, birthdays, vacations.. you name it. Sometimes it feels like other people go through milestones of their lives and you're an outsider, knowing about such things through Facebook/Twitter. And the worst part is, not only are you physically not included, not able to share the moment, you may also eventually lose touch with the person.. and when you come back home once a year you find huge gaps in your conversations and things become awkward for some reason. Like you no longer have things in common anymore. and then you just drop out of each others' lives because it's no longer comfortable to be around each other...

Sad isn't it? You feel that people move on. People replace you. Like all you are is just some furniture in their lives that they can just 'replace'. Oh well, I chose to be here. And I don't regret it at all. But it's still sad..

Homeward bound~~

2010-07-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, people - it's THAT time of year again!! Summer holidays are FINALLY coming and after tomorrow (hauntingly gruesome Final Simulation assessment) I will be counting the hours till I'm back on Malaysian soil!!

Heck yeah! It's been such an incredibly LONG year - 11 freaking months with only 2weeks break for Christmas and 10 days post-exam throughout the entire time... a few mental breakdowns and running aways... I am SO glad for this break. I am tired. Drained. I'm hoping this 2months at home will rest my mind and inspire me into medicine (and life in general) again...

27th July 2010 - Here I come~

=)

girl crush alert!!!

2010-06-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

Well, hello fellow bloggers (or whoever that's free enough to read my lame blog =P)

So yeah, too many posts on hot guys... I haven't had one of these in a while now: a girl crush! yeah, all-girl school days playing back in my mind right now~ hahahaha and here she is -

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Jessica Stroup a.k.a Erin Silver from 90210.. And if I was a boy, I'd totally crush on her.. ^^

I'm perfectly straight, don't worry... It's just that, to me beauty is to be appreciated, right? I can definitely say a girl's hot when they are. I've got no problems with that.

ps: I passed my exams!!! 5th year, here I come~~ whoop whoooooppppppp!!!!

Food diary: Jamie's Italian

2010-06-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

We went to have dinner at Jamie's Italian today, in St. David's. And yes, you assumed right, it is one of the many franchises using Jamie Oliver's name and recipes. And yes, it was AMAZING, to say the least... I am now £20 poorer but am very very happy with the 3-course meal I had, which were:

Appetizer:
BRUSCHETTA
Chargrilled ciabatta rubbed with garlic, drizzled with olive oil and topped with one of the following... Tomatoes in season, basil and creamy ricotta
- Okay, this was by far my favourite dish of the night. It was so incredible. I could really taste the olive oil and the basil and even the tomatoes didn't taste vile. I would stand in line for a table (which goes on for quite a bit as no reservations are required) another day, just for this appetizer, and I am SO not kidding.

Main Course:
PRAWN LINGUINE
Pan fried garlicy prawns with tomatoes, chilli, rocket and fennel
- This was tasty as well. I've never had rocket in my pasta before, so this was new to my taste buds. But it worked pretty well to me. I might go for the smaller (non-main course) portion the next time I'm here if I was planning on having a 3-course meal though..

Dessert:
CREAMY PANACOTTA
Served with raisins in a syrup-y thing. hahaha This was really good too! It's not too sweet, perfect for my picky taste~ A perfect ending to a perfect meal.. ^^

I really wish I had pictures coz I'm so excited to share my experience there. But the lighting in the restaurant was too dimmed, the food ended up looking really bad in the photos, and so I decided it wouldn't do any sort of justice to the way they actually taste. If you are up to spending money for any reason and you're craving good Italian, I'd recommend Jamie's. =D

ps: Yes, exam's over too! I forgot to mention it here. Incase anyone was wondering. I have now started 5th year stuff (even before our results come out... yeah, talk about presumtuous ><)

Exams... o_0

2010-05-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

As CBT often promotes; a positive thought preceeds positive behaviours and feelings. So yes, heeding those words, I shall practice positive thinking skills, as of now!

So the positive things about exams:

1) It's humbling. The more you study, the more you realise that you're not all that smart like you thought you may have been. Honest. Beats the arrogance out of you like nothing else...

2) Teaches you to appreciate time, especially nearer exams..

3) Makes you look forward to the time you will have AFTER exams, not having to study...

4) Reminds you of what degree it is that you're taking in the 1st place... LOL!!

5) Brings you closer to God. There's nothing like the fear of the unknown to bring you closer to Him... How shameful of a slave am I... but it really is the truth

6) Brings you closer to your comrades as you fight on a common path, towards similar aim.. the knowledge you share... and knowing that the hope of getting through this fight unscathed TOGETHER keeps us working~

okay... I've run out of positive things to say about exams... so yeah, dah puas melepaskan perasaan... mari belajar ye rakan-rakan? Doakan kejayaan saya juga!! ^^

Ranjau sepanjang jalan...

2010-05-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a tough and annoying few weeks for me...

1st of all, my laptop started to slow and gave up on me... Sent me through a whole dilemma of having to buy a new one n risk being poor for some months in the future or put up with it dying and go look for a new one when it dies on me in the future.. After a 2 weeks of thinking and calculating my bank balance, the deciding factor was Currys Bank Holiday sale for me. I am now a proud (?) owner of a beautiful black 15.6" screen Dell Inspiron ^^

Then the weekend that my (old) laptop started to act up, the washing machine in our house broke, with my telekung solat in it! So I had to pray the hard way, with tudung, socks n coat (in my own room) everytime for a week.. coz the annoying thing wouldn't open the door unless it's done washing, not even when it's turned off (or in this case, broken) Had to leave the clothes in there until Monday coz electricians here don't work weekends.. Went off to Llanelli for placement for a week, came back the next weekend just to find out the problem STILL hadn't been fixed so my clothes had been stinking coz it's been soaked in soapy water for so long.... Rus and I even had to go over the boys' to wash our (smelly) clothes.. And guess what? The landlord's replaced the old machine for a 'new' one that now refuses to turn on. Like, seriously~~~

Dr. Sargeant was talking about the 'social factor of learning' and how one needs to be happy to be a productive learner.. Going through these past weeks, I completely agree with him. I mean, it may seem petty to most people but worrying about money is a HUGE deal for me. It takes up most, if not all, of my focus... I am just glad at least the laptop worry is settled, the money side of things is still up in the air, but I have chosen to not think about it so much... Worst comes to worst, I'll just eat bread and eggs for the rest of month! hahaha

ps: Oh and yeah, exam's NEXT week!! Erkk....

Bad choices...

2010-04-21T01:55:00.001-07:00

I am a self-proclaimed fan of the american tv series, "How I Met Your Mother".... It's pretty well known and I've been following it since the days of season 3, now it's on the 5th season.. I won't tell you here what the show is about, coz if you don't already know, you can google it ^^

The episode this week was about Ted making a bad choice in buying a wrecked house because he felt like his life was stagnant. He claimed that being party to his mother's 2nd wedding when he himself hasn't even been married once, is a bit too much for him to accept.

He said, "Everyone's moved on but me. And I'm exactly where I was 5 years ago. I'm sick of it."

It really hit home for me. Not the 'wanting to get married part' but almost everything else.. how everybody seems to be moving on but I'm just in the same place I've been in 4 years ago. I am still here. Still pretty much the same except fatter. I am still struggling with a degree I don't really care much about. I am still trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. While my other friends just seem to have found their place in the world, I am still ...... well, just 'still'.....

And at the end of the episode, I was so touched when Marshall started a BBQ in Ted's broken down house because he knew his best friend was gonna stick by his delusions anyway and as his friend, he will stand by Ted. I hope that one day when I make a stupid/delusional decision I will have someone who knows me that well will stand by me just as well..

Me taking this degree may have been a bad choice.. or it may not.. I still don't know. I guess, only some time in the future can I look back and know for sure what it is.. For now, I just gotta pull through and then think about what to do...

ps: don't get me wrong, I love being overseas. I love having to study in English n not have to feel inadequate at my own mother tongue. I love the shopping here. I love the cold.. I just don't think I like medicine..

Loyalty vs Sanity?

2010-04-05T02:09:00.000-07:00

Note: This post is specially for those who know and support my intense current interest I will not apologise for writing on topics that others might deem 'superficial'. If you were expecting a post on humanity or world peace or everything else that's wrong with the world today, I warn you not to read ahead.

Okay. Although I've sworn to myself to not write about such matters in my blog, so as not to advertise my inner 'fangirl-ing self' to the world, but things have been so crazy lately that I've deicided to add my 2cents on it, even if it makes no difference to what is happening.

For those who don't already know, I'm going to talk about the heated battle, or should I say WAR between Jay's fans and 2PM's fans. What pushed me to this? Well, the other day I read a long post by a Korean fan telling that "You have to pick sides. There's no way that you can support all 7 of them. You're either for Jay or for 6PM. You can't be both" Well, my post is to say, "Yes, you can. You just can't be immature about it."

Ever since the conference that JYPE has stupidly put 2PM forth to advertise their alleged betrayal, fans have turned their backs on the very idols they have sworn their lives on to protect. I understand the connotation that they feel betrayed. I understand that they feel that if they don't absolutely hate 2PM, Jay would feel betrayed. So now they feel that they absolutely must pick sides.

Well, here's what I think. Do they ever stop and think about how Jay feels about them reacting this way? You know what this looks like to me? Kids throwing a tantrum because they cannot get what they want. And when my dongsaengs used to do that, my mom used to just ignore them and move on. They will stop and learn that life's shit. And you don't always get what you want, not even if you act up. Grow up people... What's sadder is that there are so many adult fans (who may even have children of their own) amongst these fans-turned-antis.

Why do we as fans have to pick sides? Why can't we support both parties? I mean it's not like picking between your mom and dad. To me, it's as simple as, when Jay makes a comeback in the ent. world, we buy his stuff. We go to his concerts. We cheer for him. We write in fan-forums. We sub his videos. And when 2PM makes a comeback, we just do absolutely the same. What's so difficult abt that? Love isn't a limited entity that has an expiry date. So why all this hating?

I don't even think the boys themselves are battling as hard as their fans are right now. For all we know, they might be on the phone ever other night while the fans are painstakingly cooking up new plans to put each other down. Oh come on people. For whatever reason that they did what they did, it's none of our business. Why are you taking everything like it's a personal act of betrayal? Why are you putting yourselves in a position to get hurt? How do you define the word 'fan' anyway?

Speaking of comebacks, now there's noise about 2PM's "sudden" plans for an Apr comeback. I'm not sure if you guys have gone senile, despite your high-school age, but way back in Dec/Jan when they had their goodbye stage for Heartbeat, they already said that they'll be back in April. So what's this about it being 'sudden' and 'it's an attempt to shut down Jay's public reappearance in the States'?? It was stated ages ago. So why make so much noise now?

Urgh. I have so much anger in me right now about this topic that I can't even possibly write them all down here. I just wish that they would just realise that 2PM deserves as much love as Jay. But I guess, for all the months Jay's been in hiding in Seattle since Sept till now, it's time for 2PM to feel the same. And if the cycle works out, the day when they will be loved again will come. I'm waiting for that to happen. Because I'm not ready to let them disappear into the abyss just yet. They're just 2 years old. They deserve a future, and so does Jay. And so, to answer my own predicament, I choose sanity over loyalty. It's just more sane to sit idly by and cheer for both parties, as what fans should do...

Cravings~

2010-03-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

FOOD THAT I WANT TO EAT BUT AM CURRENTLY UNABLE TO DUE TO GEOGRAPHICAL REASONS:

1) Bihun sup tulang R+R Juru (on Southbound side)

2) Bihun sup perut Padang Besar

3) Mee rebus tomato tulang mama masak

4) Nasi putih + sambal ikan keli + masak lemak rebung mama masak

5) Lamb Chop ayah masak

6) Ikan dory with pistachio/cream + asparagus ayah masak

7) Spaghetti bolognaise ayah masak

8) Laksa mama masak

9) Cendol dekat St George

10) Pasembur bawah Larut Matang

Counting down days to going home~~~~~~~

ps: I do sincerely apologise for my absence from the blogging world. Have had nothing much to say lately.. huhu

Daddy...

2010-02-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Since my Feb OSCEs are finally out of the way, I now have some time off in my hands. What else do I do other than catch up on lost drama episodes that I have been keeping for times exactly like now... So I was watching Criminal Minds (after finally updating myself with all the episodes of Bones up until the current episode =P).

This Criminal Minds episode was about the kidnapping of two teenage girls, one of them being the daughter of an ex-assassin who was under the witness protection unit. When his daughter was taken from him, although he promised on his wife's deathbed that he will leave all the killing behind him and change his ways, he went on a vengeance spree and hunted them down. And finally killing those boys off, one by one. He now faces heavy penalty for what he's done but he did it for his daughter. And watching that made me think....

And I'm sure all the daughters who have a father like mine will understand what I'm trying to say. He may be overbearing at times, always wanting to fight my battles for me, always treating me like the little princess I was maybe 10 years ago. And I whine about it a lot, and I mean, A LOT. But deep down, I know. I know that if anybody dare hurt me, he would be the first person to save me. I am certain, that my father, who spends his time minding his garden, would be able to load a shot gun if it would mean to save me. I am almost convinced now that no man in my entire lifetime would ever love me as much as my father does.

So to everyone whose life is made hard from an overbearing father, I think it's healthy to sometimes think back to the simple fact that out fathers love us, no matter what. And at least we have a father who is there and who cares, which is much more than what others out there may have..

Don't they have Medical schools in Malaysia?

2010-01-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

I'm now in my 4th year and InsyaAllah will be graduating in slightly more than a year (Gosh, how scary is that??) and being in Cardiff, not Malaysia - the country I was obviously born and bred in, I get asked this question a lot through the years I've been here. And I mean, A LOT.

When I answer "Malaysia" to the question: "Where are you from?", I get all kinds of replies. Some of the more geographically challenged ones will just brush it off with an "Oh. I see." [change topic, quick, I dunno where that is!] I think they never ask why I'm doing medicine in the UK and not in Malaysia because they must assume we haven't any universities there (I've been told this many times so it isn't just me making assumptions)

So when I do get asked, "So why are you doing medicine in the UK? Aren't there any medical schools in Malaysia?" normally, they're generally curious or just trying to make conversation. And I always give the same answer: "There are very few medical schools there compared to the people applying a place in them". Usually they take answer and that's the end of that.

Today during ward round, one of the consultants (I think he's a locum.. I'm not sure, wasn't wearing a name tag) asked me that question. And I gave him my standard answer. But he persisted on:

Him: So the logic here is Malaysia needs more doctors than they can educate themselves, so they send them over here?
Me: I suppose so.
Him: So I assume you're sponsored then?
Me: Yes, I am.
Him: How do they pick who to send overseas? I mean, based on what merit?
(gave me an implying look - which, I have to say, I don't get exactly what is he implying)
Me: Urmm... well, (I was just about to tell him about SPM @Malaysia's GCSE equivalent)
Him: You'd think they'd pick the really smart ones to spend money on.....

Like seriously, how was I meant to respond to that? Honestly... I mean, not pretty, fine. Not hot, I really am not, so fine. Not nice, yeah I can be a b*tch, so fine. Not loyal, I can be that too, so fine. But not smart? wow... I mean, I don't mean to sound conceited but I am not dumb! I'm not brilliant, not a nobel-prize winner in the making obviously, but I really don't think I'm dumb. Am I?

I felt that was a bit unfair considering the fact that I've just met him about 20mins before that conversation. I bet he was trying to be funny, only I found it a little insulting. Oh well, maybe I kinda did deserve that. There is a lot I still don't know, considering the fact that I'm already in my 4th year! Oh my ego is bruised nonetheless...

p/s: on a lighter note, can't wait for 2AM's new song coming out on 21.01.2010! OneDay Daebak!!

Ch-ch-ch-Change

2010-01-17T02:02:00.000-08:00

*Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to this video.

I really think this is worth mentioning in my blog! My brother (who's the youngest and is 10 years old) is currently very badly influenced by his kpop-crazy older sisters. And this is who's on top of his list! hahaha As I've said on countless occasions, I am actually proud that my brother has taste (coz admittedly, even I think this is hot!) but then slightly worried that he's developed such taste at that age... No idea who that is? That's HyunAh of the girl group 4Minute from South Korea. Still no idea who I'm talking about? Well, you don't have to know who she is to understand my dilemma lol~ So what say you guys, should be worried? Should I be glad? =P

NewEsT (and BIGGEST) obsSessIon!

2010-01-15T16:21:00.000-08:00

If you haven't guessed it yet by now, it's 2PM's OK TAEC YEON

p/s: Warm up this very cold winter guys =)

Stranded in the snow~

2010-01-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

You know how you watch movies and sometimes they have this scene of two people being stranded in a broken down car on a highway with close to NO cars passing by in a snow storm? Well, as dramatic as it sounds, surprisingly, recently I found out that if it does happen to you in real life, it is just as dramatic as they are in the movies...

So what happened?

Well, this week I was on placement in Merthyr, the famous hospital to give snow days off to students because of the heavy snow they tend to get and the dangerous road conditions heading up to the hospital. On Tuesday, by about 3.30pm Rich (my partner) and I got a text from the Undergrad office telling us to leave before a snow storm hits and we'd be stranded up there. Happily, we rushed off back (we were in a painfully dull clinic anyways). Obviously, when there's a bad weather warning, everyone rushes back, the two-lane highway quickly piled traffic and we were stuck in d midst of it all. But thankfully, traffic was moving, so it wasn't so bad..

Or so I thought...

Suddenly, without any notice the car just died. And it won't restart. Again and again. In the middle of a highway. In d midst of a snow storm! Finally succumbing to the situation, we decided to push the car to the roadside. Well, Rich and two other guys (very nice of them to stop and help us) pushed with me in the car, trying to be helpful with the steering wheel while they pushed as I was instructed to stay in the car.

Well, obviously both our handphones had to run very low of battery. Mine had already died hours before all this even started. His was on whatever remnant there was. After an unseccuessful attempt at trying to figure out what the problem was (well, Rich did. Again, I stayed in the car), he resorted to call his dad who called a mechanic for us. The mechanic person called Rich and tried to talk him through some things dat cud be wrong. but since nothing worked, the conclusion was that the car needed to be towed back to be looked at.

Great. About an hour after the whole thing started, his dad called to say the tow person is coming from Cardiff and will take abt 1 and half hours to get to us. By then we were already freezing our butts off~ don't forget the below -ve°C temperature going on at the same time. And oh, right after the call, his phone died completely.

Suddenly I realised, I needed to perform my Maghrib prayers before Isya' starts. And I had to do my wudhu. Pastu teringat, Ustaz Erfino cakap boleh tayamum pkai debu on surfaces. Tapi, kat luar keta banyak air mutlak kot.. so macam terpaksa la guna snow, sbb mmg takde alasan nk tayamum. Have u ever washed your face, hands, head, ears and feet with snow? Well, I can proudly say I have! Rich looked horrified at the idea but just gave a "i-do-not-want-to-be-you" look while he said, "have fun!" as I stepped out of the car with my sleeves rolled up and socks-less to do my wudhu. As soon as I stepped back into the car, I was shivering like mad. Luckily, he always carry in his car a sleeping bag and a thick blanket with spare pair of gloves. So I bundled up then prayed.

Then there was a matter of passing the time until help arrived. We read a book together. Him in his sleeping bag and me in my coat, scarf and blanket. It was quite a good book abt autism. But by about 30mins of it, we got bored. Then we decided to quiz each other about ENT. That lasted about 40mins, before we got bored of that too. Then we decided to sleep the time away.

I couldn't ignore the cold to sleep. I mean, by then I couldn't feel anything below my ankles except that it was really COLD. Rich slept for like 5mins before suddenly waking up. Then he went like

R: Shit, I have to pee!
Me: urm... I don't have a bottle or anything for u to pee in..
R: Ili, dats disgusting!
Me: hahaha well, there are loads of bushes out there if u want to brave the cold..
R: ummmm.... ummmmm....

5 mins passes..

R: Ah sod it! I really need to go..
So he finally left the car and got it over with..

After waiting 3 and a half hours, Rich decided he had to go find a phone to find out what was going on and whether help was indeed coming or not. So left me in the car and locked the car from outside and took the keys with him. "Just incase some nut gets funny ideas about a girl being alone in a car by the highway," he said.

I was still trying to sleep while imagining what I would have for dinner once I got home later. I was starving. We only had a bar of chocolate between us to sustain until help arrived (his, which he very kindly shared with me) Obviously I couldn't sleep what with all the cold and hunger I was subjecting myself to, sleep was the last thing my body wanted. Suddenly came a knock on my window. It was the man who came to help us! He finally got to us, at about an 1 and a half hours later than promised. He said the traffic out of Cardiff was horrible. It took him 2+hours to do a journey that would've taken normally 30mins.

But in his truck, I was warm. And the idea of home didn't seem too distant. So I was happy, whatever his reasons for being late were. At least he didn't abandon us. I got home at about 9.30pm, probably the latest I've ever come back from placement ever.

How do I feel about all this? Well... at the time, I felt like... aside from the men in my family, I've never felt more like a girl than I felt in that car with Rich. All my guy friends always assume I can fend for myself, and so they never bother. Not like how they'd treat other girls. But that night, I felt taken care of. He really took charge of the situation. He found us warm covers, gloves. He walked 800m in the snow storm to find a phone. He never asked me to get out of the car unless he really needed me to, not even to help push the car. I thought to myself, "So this is how other girls must feel. Must be good to be them." hahahaha

well, I'm glad we're both safe. And it all ended pretty well. So there you go, my very LONG and dramatic story this winter...

Stories of winter~~

2010-01-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

My God, how lousy am I at keeping this blogging thing alive? I mean, I just had a two week break and you can trust me to keep it almost completely medicine-free!! and with all that time, shame I couldn't find some 10minutes to write something here.. oh well~

What I did, u know, aside from sleeping:

1) Finished up season 1 of GLEE!

It's an amazing teenage drama and everyone who's into musicals should really watch it. They sing new songs every episode with different choreography each time. I was hoping to pass more time with it but it was only 13 episodes.. so didnt take more than two half-days for me to completely run through them! lol~

2) Hosting Te'ah n Shak. Couple yg comel ni came down to Cardiif but I was a lousy host.. so I don't think I did very much for them aside from providing free lodging! mianhe, Teah-ssi~~

3) Boxing Day shopping. Okay, so any right minded female in the western world would NEVER miss this day. I mean, I actually woke up at 6.50am and started walking towards town at 7.30!! on a holiday! Dats how much Boxing Day means to us over here.. n needless to say, shopping is indeed a therapy for the suppressed soul~ well, it was therapy then, but now my bank account is taking some time to recover from it.. but it was still SO worth it! =P

4) London trip/bumming with Aida! (to be further delved upon in my next post, coming hopefully soon =P)

post to be continued....

Friends..

2009-12-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

I apologize for my blogging absence.. I haven't had much to say lately.. I ran into this article reently and thought that I should share it with everyone here...

'No man is an island' - probably one of the most cliche phrases in the English language.. but it's a cliche because it rings true.. No one can survive on their own, humans are social creatures and survive on each other.. but ofcourse not all those around us are really our friends.. some of them are even toxic... check this blog out~

http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/10/4-kinds-of-friends-you-need-in.html

so keep those you love and who love you in return close...

2009-11-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day as I was talking to Iain,

"if we can create problems in our mind and will it somehow to become our reality, can we un-create it?"

Iain: Well, we should be able to, shoudn't we? I would think, by principle, we should. If we can create something, we can destroy it

But doesn't it occur to anyone else that it doesn't really work that way in reality? I mean, I think everyone creates a degree of drama in their mind to keep their lives interesting, thus live-able.. Some may do it coz they're bored. Some may do it to feel 'normal' (well, what's 'normal' constitutes a whole other discussion, so I'll leave it at that). Some may do it to feel exactly NOT normal, just to want to be different.. So whatever the reason may be, my point is, people do it. All the time..

But what if what was created gets tangled with what's real? Won't the mind be confused? If it does, then either everything is perceived as made up or more often, everything is perceived as reality. And then what? How do we consciously undo what was done? How do we tell our mind that all these emotions/doubt/anger/hate/loathe are made up and unreal when they feel as real as a prick of a needle on the finger?

I don't have many friends who think about these kind of things, coz most will think it's a waste of time and its all bull crap. But for those of ou who do spend some time of day thinking of the power of the human mind, can anyone answer me?

I need..

2009-11-11T15:07:00.001-08:00

I need a reason to fight again...

I need a reason to stay....

I need to find myself again...

I feel like the fire in me is burning out.. Just tired of fighting the wind that's determined to blow me out of existence

Can I just let myself fall? Should I just let go and head into a free fall? Maybe once I've fallen I can pick myself back up again instead of trying desperately to hold on to some form safety because I'm afraid...

But what if I never get back up if I let myself fall?

What if I run and decide never to come back?

I need to feel like I am myself again..

I need to love being myself again..

2009-11-03T14:32:00.001-08:00

On placement today, thanks to Iain my partner, I got to witness the coolest thing I've seen in a very long time. The picture above sorta gives a clue... It was SO amazing.

The chosen sperm was initially just swimming around (and yes, I saw it swim!! well, on the screen ofcourse magnified like a trillion times)

Then came this needle that rips off the flagella to stop it moving before sucking it up..

Then suddenly this blob of what I was told was the ovum appeared on screen. It was rotated a bit to get the right position then held in place by something (that huge looking thing on the right)

Then the needle with the sperm head in it came into view, pierces the ovum and then sperm head injected!

Then we wait..

It's amazing that with all this human technology, there's no guarantee that the egg will be fertilised even with the sperm nucleus obviously inserted in. We can just wait... and wait... for nature to run its course.. for Allah to permit that little egg to grow into a human being.. or not.

So whoever claimed that IVF is humans playing god, I don't think that's true. Human can do all we can but in the end, nothing will happen if God doesn't will it to happen. And that's that.

You.

2009-11-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

You.

You told me things would never change
That I would never lose my comfort
My safety
My haven

You sheltered me from harm
You dried my tears
You saw the whole of me
with love
with respect
without judgement

Until you met her

You told me things would never change
that I was I
and she was she
and that we are us

But I knew

I knew that I would lose you
despite your promises
despite our past

My email has not changed
My address is still the same
My phone number works fine
and so does Facebook
So tell me, if I hadn't lost you
If I hadn't lost you
Why is it that I never hear from you?

*disclaimer: This was never meant to be a poem. It's a random rant from my tired brain...

Let Me Hear Your Voice~

2009-10-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

With regards to my previous post, my mood is now lifted by a new single released just today by my favourite kpop band, Big Bang.. well the song is Japanese and I have no idea what it means (altho i think it may have smth to do with breakups n yearning for the lost love =P) the MV is beautifully done and the song just sounds so... beautiful.. very Big Bang, just the way I love them =) coming back to watch this definitely made my day and I'm feeling better already...

the black hole that is myself..

2009-10-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

I do not want to be here... simply that.. there is no where else I'd rather be but still I do not wish to be where I am, both geographically and metaphorically in life... so until I decide where I'd want to be, I am stuck in this black hole in myself that sucks the livelihood out of me at an increasing amount day by day..

of labour and Jimmy Choos..

2009-10-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm now doing my Obs + Gynae block, had my labour week last week.. as much as I hate O+G, I found ONE thing I actually really like in Obstetrics.. and NO, it's not the little screaming thing coming out at the end of it all making all hearts stop and start back again in a flurry.. nope, not the baby~ If I wanted to see babies, I'd be better off being a Neonatal specialist, I'd see them everyday! The thing that does it for me in Obstetrics is the helplessness in the men by the bed side, not knowing what to do everytime they watch the women they love in agonizing pain that they in part were responsible for.. Every scream renders a worried/pained look on their faces and they offer they're hand to be of some comfort.. I've seen a man offering a shopping spree, then a Chloe handbag then a pair of Jimmy Choos in the midst of all the helplessness and inadequacy they feel.. hahaha The scene is so incredibly common (well, not the Jimmy Choos, he's one in a million!) and emasculating to some degree that it appeals to my narcissistic nature very much~ well, it's not that I enjoy the pain of others, it's just that rarely do men let their emotions take control and they never let situations rule them as they sat/stood helpless on the side just watching and praying that everything will be alright.. It's a sight for all the feminist out there =)

That said, I know deep down in me core that as helpless as these men may feel they are, their women NEED them there. Even if it's just to offer a glass of water or a hand to hold or a stroke on the back.. These women in labour hold on to nothing more than their partners being there for them.. I may sound like a cynic, but a part of me envies these women who actually have a man of their own who would stand being cursed/sreamed at as they watch their partners going through hell to give birth to their future together....

Shoud I fake passion?

2009-10-06T15:05:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered how u got to where u r in life? i mean did u one day years ago decided to plan your life's path and have been walking on it ever since? or did u just happen to wander from one point to another unknowingly then suddenly realised you're 10years older, doing a degree rather half-heartedly just bcoz it's a social norm to hv a degree and get a job? i think for me, it's definitely the latter... and the fact that the degree is a MEDICAL degree which basically liscences me to be responsible for the lives of others, to think that i dun really technically have the passion to even finish this degree, it scares me. how can i, this passionless uninterested person be responsible for others?

don't get me wrong, i can't imgaine myself doing anything else just because I really cannot think of anything I would be good at. I mean, I can't sing/dance/act/draw/paint/compose/play musial instrument so that means no ARTS or MUSIC for me. Neither am I a very athletic person.. I mean, I used to run a bit in school but that was way back when so doesn't really count. I hate math n everything associated with it. So really, what else is there out there for me? I'm not going to work in a cubicle in a huge office building sitting at my desk in front of my computer all day long, too sedentary for me...

whenevr I watch movies like Fame or Save The Last Dance, u know movies about going after ur dream it makes me think "what was your dream?" I nvr really had any.. I just wanted to be good at whatever I'll end up doing. But that's a given, since all those who know me will know that I will never do something I am not good at.

So where does that leave me now? I am walking, no more like wandering, through life rather aimlessly... shoud I fake passion for me to have more meaning to my existence? but I guess life wud be a lot easier if I've never stop to wonder about this.. now that I will be a doctor pretty soon, I guess I shud at least try to be a good one.. since I seem to only have a slight 'passion' to being good at everything I do.. funny how i havent concluded that I shud have a passion for medicine instead which wud have been the more noble option.. Guess I'm not a noble person then...

Homeward bound~

2009-06-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Updates:

I AM GOING HOMEEEEEEEE~~

OMG i SO can't wait!!! dis was a dreadfully LONG year! Altho it's almost ending, but these last few days in Cardiff is going to be looooonnnggggg... or at least I'm gonna feel like they are! lol

I wanna be in Taiping! Like, NOW~ but one can only wish... Can't wait for 9th July to be here!!

tHe BIG BANG theory~

2009-06-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

I now proudly announce the arrival of a new and constantly developing+increasing obsession with...

B to the I to the G
B to the ANG

BIG BANG people~!!!!!!!!!

Since I'm known to justify everything, I shall justify this obsession too! So, reasons y:
1) Their music is more my type, not too pop, not too hip hop. Nice mixture of the two!
2) Each of them bring a different flavour to the table -
GD: the adorable but capable leader
TOP: the hot but shy rapper with amazingly forceful eyes~ drooll..
Daesung: the deep voiced endorphine source!
TaeYang: the vocalist with smiling eyes and smooth moves
SeungRi: the ever confident and heartbreakingly cute maknae~
3) Bcoz they're so different, their concerts are VERY entertaining! They don't look too choreographed so they hv a more natural vibe to them
4) They're just too funny in variety shows n interviews
5) They sing in ENGLISH!! Like, full songs, not just one liners or a word here and there like most kpop songs!
.... and the list goes on.... but these are my TOP5 reasons y im in love right now!

Big Bang Fighting!! <3

ReSulTs of Intermediate MB~

2009-06-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Exactly on 9am, the pass list of my exams back in Apr was released. And the verdict for months of hardwork (konon! =P) is: Drumrolllllllll

I PASSSED~!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG only God knows how relieved I was to see my exam number on that list! Alhamdlillah..

The transcript jst came out a few days ago and I have to say I'm quite happy with my written exam results, I expected more fr myself (as always) but I have 2 more years to prove to myself!
But one pretty surprising revelation: I need help with communication! I've nvr had this problem since I was a child so this was news to me. But just like any skill, it's learned and practiced and practice I will!! For now, I am SOOO close to being a 4th year medic student! Once I get this damn SSC out of the way, I am SO over 3rd year~ No looking back now Ili..

stories of twilight in FloRenCE~

2009-05-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

Stop 2: Florence@Firenze

Day 1
So after 4 long days (with 3 short summer nights =P) in Rome, we headed out to Florence. The train got us there around 4pm and our 1st challenge as always is to first find our lodging. After getting our ticket to Pisa the next day, we headed off with Aween leading the tour this time as head of Florence. With hopes that things dont get messed up dis time around with our hostel, we dragged our wheely bags on our task to find Ponte Vecchio, where our hostel will be. One step into town centre, I let the idea of how posh of a place Florence really is. Designer brands littered the scenery. Names like Miu Miu, Roberto Cavalli, Gucci, Salvatore Ferragamo - just to name a few, were everywhere we turned our heads to. Oh and the air smelled like a mixture of garlic bread, leather and money.. I'm pretty sure I'm liking the place already, really good to be day dreaming of someday being able to afford to come here again and really shop here.

Ponte Vecchio was a bridge made up of tiny jewellery shops, famous for its eccentricity. As we push through the crowd to get across, our eyes couldn't help but to stare in awe at the vast amount of gold, diamond, silver and even crystals that were in abundance. We finally found our hostel, checked in and chose our beds. It was a nice and clean hostel and the beds were clean and comfortable. After having Maggi for dinner together on the terrace, we made plans for our stay there.

We headed back out to walk around Florence, seeing the open museum with sculptures and saw a real good imitation of David of Michelangelo. We went to see Duomo, Academia and a lot of other really pretty buildings in Florence. But the highlight of the day definitely has to be watching the sunset fr Ponte Vecchio. That was the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen in my entire life. Then we headed back to our hostel later around 10-ish.

Day 2: Pisa

Early on the 2nd day there, we headed out the train station to catch the 1st train to Pisa. It was about an hour's journey and as soon as we got there, we headed straight to the tourism office to get directions. The Pisa tower was about 20mins walk from the train station and once we got there, the feeling was SO unreal. It's like u've only jst seen pics of it but actually being there is really sumthin different. So obviously, we took TONNES of pics once we were there. We even climbed up the tower, on foot, obviously. I still can't believe we did that. The climb up was a challenge but the view u get at the top and knowing that u're climbing the PISA TOWER makes it all worth it.

We head back to Florence for lunch and I had the most amazing Penne with cream n salmon sauce ever!! Then as planned, we headed for the central market area to have a look around the bazaar over there. It was SO tempting, all the handbags, t-shirts, leather goods.. I'm so proud of myself for being able to hold myself against temptation! =P We walked around till near sundown to have the last experience of Florence at night before retiring for the day.

Day 3:

Early that morning, we headed out for a breakfast picnic in Michelangelo park, on top of a hill. Altho it took quite a walk to get up there but the view was breathtaking. Florence was all round beautiful, at any time of day and from any view.. Being up there made us realise that. As we ate and enjoyed the view, we took loads of pictures. Then we headed back to our hostel to check out and make a move to catch our train to Venice, our last stop for the trip...

to be continued...

the RoMAn adventure~

2009-05-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

Stop 1: ROME

And nothing says ROME more than the Colesseum!!

Okay so let's start from the very beginning..

Day 1
Our initial journey was rather uneventful, everyone was excited (naturally, we're IN Rome!! How culd we not be??!?).. Once in town centre, got out d map, looked for our hostel with the map in one hand and my luggage in the other.. u knw, real touristy stuff~ then we found our hostel right in the centre of what appears to be a very appealing shopping area.. i could feel my wallet itching the moment i set my eyes on it! =P

The door to our hostel was HUGE and as we walked inside the building, it looked really nice! Our excitement grew.. Little did we know, the drama has just begun to unfold...

It started with the stupid tiny cupboard-size elevator that was supposed to serve the function of making our lives easier, for which it did not! All of us had to climb up the stairs with our REALLY heavy luggages to about the 4th or 5th floor, i cant remember... n this was post-exam period, meaning i havent been out of my chair, let alone the house for any exercise in weeks! My unfit body was begging me to stop torturing it~

Then as soon as we walked in, the reception told us, there was a problem with hostelbookers and they didnt receive our reservation!! So guess what? we were homeless in a foreign country... I was really pissed.. i mean i jst climbed 5 flights of stairs with my luggage, and he's telling me this shit? So we argued a little.. then he gv us 4 beds for jst d night since they were unoccupied.. Sebah had to share with Aiman coz there were 5 of us.. AND they charged us per head eventho they only had 4 beds to giv!! AND rus n i slept in a room full of boys~ hahahaha.. there's a first for everything! I slept with a towel covering my head (i didnt wanna wear a tudung coz it'll get crumpled n i'll hv to iron it in the morning) i think i woke up a few times coz i culdnt breathe as the towel seems to prefer covering my face instead of just my head to suffocate me..

okay, so after we settled in, rus and i went to the other room to hang out.. we had dinner, or what we passed off as dinner: we had plain white bread with boiled eggs (boiled the night before in Cardiff!!) and sumhow Walkers crisps came into the picture.. hahahaha.. im sure since its Aween's 1st travelling experience with frens, she'll nvr forget her 1st meal!!

Eventho everyone was bummed abt not having anywhere to stay for d 2 nights we had left in Rome, we decided to not care and enjoy our stay anyways.. so we went out that night.. One tip for anyone going to Rome: the Metro system SUCKS!! it goes around, outside the historical area, but within it u have to walk fr one place to another.. its a huge area too.. guess when the romans built their empire they didnt think of subways like the Londoners did.. Anyway, we went to Spagna (the spanish steps) and Trevi fountain dat night.. Trevi fountain is breathtaking... it SOOO gorgeous that even with LOADS of people around, u jst wanna sit there and stare at it.. but sadly, since we were there at night, the pics we took doesnt really do it justice.. after hours of walking around, we were all really tired seeing as we jst arrived.. so we headed back to our hostel n slept in a boy-smelling room, for rus n i that is~ (not trying to be sexist or anything but d room smelled like sweat! urrgghh..) they turned out to be nice Brazillian boys, we sorta got to know each other the next morning (seemed only appropriate, u knw having slept in d same room and all.. =P)

Day 2
We set off to look for a new hostel that morning. Sebah n Aiman found one online, so i used the phone in d reception to book and luckily enough, we found one with 5 beds for two nights! So d 1st part of our day was filled with us trying to look for our new hostel.. This new one was definitely cleaner AND we were in d same room! Plus, the toilet was really clean WITH hot water, the previous one didn't.. AFter paying, we left our bags n went to the Colesseum.. spent hours in the queue.. Spent more time taking photos once we got into the actual thing... then lunchtime.. n we decided to eat out, i had the most amazing seafood spaghetti i've ever had~ after lunch we headed off to the Pantheon.. it was a long walk under the scorching sun n naturally, we stopped for photos along the way at any touristy looking building we came across.. hahaha.. so by the time we got to the Pantheon, it was close to 6pm.. and we were tired seeing as how we walked the entire day.. that night, we didn't go out.. we jst had Maggi for dinner (3packs for 5 ppl! im proud of myself =P) and then slept for d nxt day...

Day 3 - Vatican City
We left quite early that morning to supposedly beat the queue.. Once there, we went to St. Peter's Basilica 1st b4 the vatican museum.. since it was early, there really was no queue n we went str8 in.. joined in a free tour guide who told us lots of interesting stuff abt the basilica.. it was really fun! then after abt an hour the tour ended n she told us the tour in the museum isnt free.. so since we were cheapskates and we didnt really care THAT much abt history, we skipped it n went on our own.. the queue for the Vatican Meseum was horrendously long.. we were stuck in it for almost 2hours!!! i culd've finished an entire movie~ once we got in, we went looking for sumwhere to sit n eat.. lunch for d day: white bread with ASDA canned mackarel in tomato (obviously brought fr Cardiff) but the museum was HUGE~ plus, the made it in a way that u HAVE to go thru the entire place to get out... we were SO tired, that Sebah even came up with a theory that they designed d place to keep every1 hostage! =P The Sistine Chapel was d very last thing b4 exiting so we HAD to keep on walking.. after the museum, we went to get ice cream n then looked around in a flea market area near Vatican City..

then we headed back to our hostel.. since we were leaving Rome the next day, we were up for a last adventure.. our hostel person told us abt this place that served what she thought to be the best pizza in Rome.. so eventho on the map it looked like a LONG walk after a long day on our feet, we were up for it! So we went. and right she was, it was simply AMAZING~ considerably cheap too!! definitely worth the walk.. btw, along the walk we ran into a group of Korean tourists.. hahahaha... Rus n I were so excited to hear them speak their language.. some of the couples were really cute doing all those things u see them do in dramas! hahaha...

Day 4
The day started with us packing up our stuff and leaving the hostel to catch our train to Florence.. the walk to the train station was shorter than we remembered.. so we had a bit of time to spare.. Aween went to look for more ice cream (man, was she addicted!!) i went around the shops... n we jst sat around till it was time to board the train.. and punctual as evr, the train came and we found seats enough for us to sit together.. as we stared out the window at the changing scenery, we prepared ourselves for a more adventure waiting for us....

to be continued.....

ItaLiA~!!!

2009-05-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

If u put a group of stressed out 3rd year medical students and a week's break post exam.. what do u get?? here's my answer: you get an incredibly crazy, immature, dramatic TRIP~!!!!

Destination of choice: Italy - Rome, Florence/Pisa, Venice

I had SOOOO much fun!! I haven't laughed like that in a long while this year.. It was like our short escape from reality and altho Italy was expensive, it was really worth every penny!!! Here's a few reasons why:

1) The weather was sunny all the way (I have the unwelcomed tan on me to prove it!!)
2) Italy was beautiful~~ the history, the monuments, the food, the ice cream, the handbags, the shoes.. most importantly, the PEOPLE.. seriously, we were listing the good looking men we've come across along the way~
3) The company was amazing! Rus, Aween, Sebah and Aiman... Sure we went thru some serious humps along the way but that's what trips are like.. Had so much fun everywhere we went!
4) The pasta and pizza were TO DIE FORRR~ oh my god.. Im so not kidding!!
5) The ice cream were heavenly... it felt so sinful to be eating them but they were AMAZING~~
6) The B&B in Venice was really great! It was homely, just perfect for our last stop in the 9-day trip~

ok, that's all for now! I'll leave the detailed description on each places in my future entries... ciao baby~~

SmiLe =)

2009-04-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Okay.. so I know I'm the middle of my finals that has a specific for it, by the way; Intermediate MB... I really shouldn't be updating my blog on a new drama... but i will!!! coz I'm dat excited about it~ As my title implies, the new drama is called: SMILE, starring none other than Matusumoto Jun!!

I've nvr really been a MatsuJun fan but I am a Hana Yori Dango fan.. and the main reason why I'm excited about this drama is that it's a serious drama attempting to tackle on the issue of 'racism'.. From what I've heard so far, he plays a half-Filipino half-Japanese whose everyday life is a struggle against racism and oppression. No more is he playing a pretty boy character who gets the girl in the end by being a jerk who turns out to have a soft spot on the inside (where have we heard THAT before?)~ And the icing on the cake? Well, the fact that the Japanese crowd is furious about the drama making the Japanese people "look" bad is enough reason for me to want to watch it!! A drama with a purpose, who doesn't love one of those?? I'm proud of MatsuJun for taking on a Tagalog-speaking oppressed orphan, shows that he can play deeper roles =)

FINALS~!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-20T04:38:00.000-07:00

OMG it's in less than 48hours now~~

Oh sociology...

2009-04-15T13:36:00.001-07:00

Oh God it's been SOOO long since I last wrote anything worth while in here... well, as everyone probably already know, my finals is near.. well, it's next Wednesday~!!! dats exactly how NEAR it is... but since I'm here, writing this, kinda proves that my mind (and hands, apparently since I'm typing) is far from where it should be.... anyways, as any other normal human being who runs to the nearest distraction when faced with stress, I am seeking for an outlet..

Oh yeah, on to the topic of Sociology.. we were studying that today in our study gp.. oh God, it's such a load of crap!! u cant get any crappier than sociology man~ even epidemiology is less sh*tty..

models of doctor-patient relationship

theories of stigma and disease

theories on the psychology of dying

and the crappy list goes on.... but my bet is Paper C will be full of questions on these crappy theories that keep rationalising each and every human notion and labeling then with a term that we must know but have no significance what so ever... like it or not, I have to memorise this... I hope everyone else is having a much better luck than I am right now...

6weeks to finals and counting.....

2009-03-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

ARRGGGHHHHH~~~~ 6 weeks to the dreaded final exam: the Intermediate MB, infamous for failing at least a third of the batch every time... the days are passing by me SO quickly now, but what exactly am I doing? wasting time by writing this is one.. wasting more time on facebook is another... making plans for further time wasting.... oh god, what is wrong with me??!?? I need to get my head in the game man~ I really do!!

things that I plan to do once I get this exam out of the way (and hopefully pass it at one sitting, insyaAllah):

1) Italy trip with rus, sebah, aiman n aween which will burn a huge hole in my pocket but will be worth every penny~!!! SOOOO looking forward to it~~
2) buy Cecilia Ahern books that I haven't read yet fr Amazon.
3) get a new Cineworld Unlimited card for my future leisure =P
4) hopefully finish my travel scrapbook that i intended to do since forever...
5) waste more time on useless activities such as sleep and bumming around in the house
6) watch loads of stuff online, need to catch up on my 'general knowledge' =P
7) did i mention sleep?

and the list goes on... It's gonna be exciting how many of those listed that I will actually get around to doing coz I nvr really succeed in things like this, i always end up doing nothing when I actually finally hv time to do more.. hehehe

So with these goals in mind, I say: Finals, here I come!! Aja~~~

New obsession!!!

2009-02-11T11:28:00.001-08:00

A new addition to my list of obsessions: Lee MinHo a.k.a Goo JunPyo~!!!!!!

it snowed in cardiff~!!

2009-02-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

On the evening of 2 Feb 09, it finally snowed in cardiff!!!! After 2 years since the last decent snow shower we had in 2007, it finally snowed a proper amount (for Cardiff's standards, at least =P)

I obviously went out to just enjoy the snow with my housemates, got into a little snowball fight with the neighbouring boys.. one of them actually snuck up on me from behind and shoved a nice sized snowball right in my face, into my mouth~nice... **said in a sarcastic tone ** but yeah, although I'm now wet and my fingers and toes are red and numb from the cold, I realised there's smth really melancholic about snow falling.. especially in heavy doses~ so I dedicate this pics to my siblings- Syirah, Nazurah, Ibrahim and my cousins- Nabilah, Nadiah n Iqbal

p/s: sorry about the bad quality, it was taken with a phone camera~

I DID IT~!!! yoossshhhh..

2009-01-31T13:28:00.000-08:00

okay, so u may ask "What d hell did she do?"

and the simple answer is: I made my very own sekaya~!!

alrite, so it may not be the answer to global warming or a cure to HIV/AIDS.. but for a student who's overseas, home food becomes this dream that u hope would materialize some day.. so since I've been craving some 'roti bakar and sekaya', I decided I should try to make my own sekaya since I can't get it here... sejak dah tgk Aliana buat, I was so tempted to try it myself.. and I did it!! and it's good~ (not to blow my own trumpet or anything... =P)

yummm~~ itadakimasu... =)

my cloud of bad luck~

2009-01-21T04:28:00.000-08:00

okay... things that has been happening to me lately:

1) I lost my wallet as I was walking on a dimly lit street on my way to Kirsty's house.. I must've not realised I dropped it when I was rummaging through my handbag to look for my phone!! Bimbo gle mistake tu okayyyy???!?? Didn't realise until the next day, which is even stupid-er..

Thank god, I cancelled my cards b4 any1 could start using them as me and drain my already on drought bank account..

So with my wallet, went all my cards, IDs, basically any form identification (aside from my passport) I have.. So now, Im gonna hv to apply for new IC n driving liscence when I get home in summer.. stupid stupid stupid me~

2) on Sunday, I accidentally locked amal's room door and her keys were inside. All my things were in there, including my phone. And Amal had work to do for her morning class the next day. I mean, how can a person 'accidentally' lock an auto-lock door?? I mean, who does that??

Her damn agent didn't advertise their phone number for emergencies online. so there was no way to contact them. That put me in a foul mood. Thank god for Azri and Aliana, who found the phone number on the front of their office. We finally got hold of him and he charged 20 bloody pounds to open the damn door!! what a rip off!! But we were desperate and we had no choice BUT to pay..

3) I absolutely, most definitely, HATE ONCOLOGY PROJECT!!! Ggrrrrrr.... I can't think of a damn topic to write for the essay. And I have to present it later today... I finally decide on something really stupid and I'm counting on my presentation skills to help me talk through it later today~

But on a brighter note, Faizal Tahir won 3 awards for AJL!!!!!
And Meet Uncle Hussein won the overall prize~~~~ That was definitely the highlight of my weekend. =)

where is my curiosity??

2009-01-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I watched this Jap drama abt a 6 year old boy who is curious about everything around him and won't accept anything he was told unless he feels it's reasoned enough to be accepted. He asks the quintessential question that we adults (or in my case, adult-to-be =P) forget; "Why?"

"Why is 1+1 = 2?"

"Why is there rich people and poor people in this world if everyone is equal?"

He asks 'why' to everything that's taught. Not out of spite or merely being annoying, it's just that he is purely curious.......

Watching 10 episodes of Edison No Haha (the name of the Jap series) has suddenly made me think; "How come I don't ask 'why' anymore?" I mean, truth be told, I can't even remember when was the last time I wanted to learn something just because I want to know. I've gotten complecent. I've gotten lazy. My brain has gotten lazy. One very recent example: I couldn't even bother to understand the concept behind estimating the mean electrical axis of the heart from an ECG strip.. I knew there was a simpler way of just memorising how an ECG looks like if it's right sided or left sided. So why should I bother understanding why, right?

So that makes me wonder.... where is my curiosity? I remember being a child who couldn't stop asking questions until my dad gets tired of answering them and says: "Just because..." And I used to never accept that. But now, I just take in everything that's thrown at me. I when it's not needed to pass an exam, I don't bother to know it, even if it was related.

Have I grown up to be a conformist? To be shallow? To worry about hot actors... clothes and shoes on sale... the next good movie to see... my weight or my looks... or how to budget my spending so that I can go on holidays in foreign countries.. Is that who I am now? Is it wrong to be so? If it's not, then why do I feel like I'm ashamed of who I've become?

But then again.. the more important question I should ask is: What do I do now that I've started thinking about this? Do I try to change? Can I change? or will I end up letting my brain rot within its cavity just because I'm to busy being concerned with how much easy life would be if I could laze around everyday?

Data interpretation and analysis...

2009-01-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

It's here~~ the exam that has been haunting me for these past few weeks... will commence in 10 hour's time... As of now, I'm slightly tachycardic.. might also be slightly delusional (since I'm writing this instead of sleeping or studying~) I wonder how it's gonna be tomorrow... I'm sure there'll be questions that are totally unexpected (as it always is in exams~ huh) but I'm just praying not so much of those tomorrow~~ Wish me luck!!!!!!!

yossshhhh~ Ganbatte~

p/s: The most anticipated Korean drama has finally begun:- Boys over Flowers (Hana Yori Dango-korean version)!!!!!

With a very hot Domyouji Tsukasa (altho, in this pic his perm is outrageosly hideous coz the manga character has curly hair... but in the drama, it's not too bad~ u'll learn to focus on his handsome face more than his disturbing hair.. haha) and extremely jambu Hanazawa Rui... hahahahaha.. tp Makino Tsukushi dier kurang cute~ Ahhh.. can't wait for this bloody paper to finish, so I can watch it!!

My short but very sweet winter retreat..

2009-01-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

After a very LONG and draggy semester (or maybe it wasn't but it certainly felt like it - I mean, come on, we started a whole MONTH before everybody else AND we finish a week later than everyone~), the winter holidays finally got here.. As I'm typing this, my holidays are about to finish, in less than 48 hours.. Oh the sorrow~~ Kidding!! I think I've had enough of too much sleep n too long night hours, I'm quite glad that semester's starting.. I can stop myself from bumming arnd too much! hahaha

So here's a recap of what I did for this past holidays:

1) Dublin hang out visit:
On Wed (17 Dec) I left for Dublin from Bristol airport on my own for a 5 days trip. I arrived in Dublin at about 2pm and Azilah picked me up from the airport. I was welcomed with laksa johor at her house for a late lunch. Then she made ikan bakar with air asam for dinner. Sedap nak mampos ok?? Thanks azilah!! Chatz came over for dinner and we talked a bit but she didn't stay long. The next day, we woke up real early to make a head start to Belfast - factory outlet shopping trip!!! I didn't go crazy there.. Not like usual, but not bad. I got myself a new Nike watch (not that I need a new one, I just wanted a diff one so I have an option =P) Got home really late from Belfast, then slept even later coz Azilah and I got talking. We slept in Chatz's house coz the bus service has stopped d night b4 so we couldn't get to Azilah's house. Then on Friday, Te'ah and Emy came all the way from Galway~~ Sweet gile diorg!! and of course we got talking and talking. We had dinner with a few of my ex-classmates in KMB together. The next day, all 4 of us went to watch Twilight together.. and safe to say we ALL experienced ectopic heartbeats on several intervals through out the movie. hahahaha.. Then we went shopping (well, by 'we' I mean, te'ah =P) around Dublin city centre. We went back to Azilah's for dinner n they packed up their things, and then we went out again to send them to the bus station. Then the next day was my turn to leave~ I had a real good time. Altho I didn't do any tourist-y stuff, but I got to hang out with my friends that I haven't seen in TWO years~~ It was exactly the break that I needed

2) London Lion King overnight trip:
The very next day (Monday, 22 Dec) I headed to London with Fara, Aween and Manja. We got the morning bus coz we all wanted to have lunch in Malaysia Hall =P Nik met us once we got there and Azri was with him. He had a bit of a misfortune with the bus timetables, so he decided to join us for the day. So after lunch, solat and checking in, we left for the Camden market. It was this really nice night market which reminded so much of Ferringhi at night. There were loads of crazy looking stuff sold there. And the food stalls there had halal chicken!

After a few hours there, we hung out in Trafalgar Square eating Fara and Aween's Cinnabon. As per usual, there were lotsa people there and since it wasn't so cold, we just sat around, taking photos and working up an appetite for dinner. We then made way to Edgware Rd, to eat in this Lebanese restaurant Aween recommended, Meshwar. It was quite good, and the food came in huge portions, another plus for us hungry travellers. The next day, we met up for breakfast in Malaysia Hall, and I had 1.5 portions of the roti canai set with teh tarik and seri muka!! I honestly don't know where the appetite is coming from.. =P After solat, we headed to Covent Garden coz the Lyceum theater was there. We got there early, so we hung around the marketplace there. Again, so many creative looking trinkets there.. If only I had more time and money, it would've been a real good place to go.. Then when it was time, we headed for our seats.

And OH MY GOD the show was awesome!!!! It was SO good. The songs were amazing. The choreography and dun get me started on the props~ I mean, who knew that humans could do a play on the animal kingdom and pull it off?!?? It was SOOO amazing. We all walked out of there feeling really really good. And our seats were amazing as well, it was so worth the money~
Then, Aween, Manja and I had dinner in this halal Nando's near Malaysia Hall before we headed for the bus station for our ride back to Cardiff. I got home at about 1am. It was a great trip, even if it was short!

Oh and ofcourse I won't forget the Boxing Day shopping~ I went out shopping in the cold for 2 days straight coz I just couldn't miss the shopping event of the calendar! On the 26th Dec, there wasn't even any bus services but we WALKED to town and walked all the way back with our shopping~ The determination, oh my.. If only I had the same perseverance for studying as I do for shopping~damn!! hahaha

Okay, so for an entry, that was a LONG one.. But then again, when have my entries been short? Especially when I'm detailing a holiday trip~ I'm glad for the break I had. And hopefully I'm all recharged for the new semester.. Who knew, my 3rd year is already half done? Dat means finals is just 4 months away~~~ Scary.... right, so till my next entry, ciao =)

And the obsession continues....

2009-01-02T14:44:00.000-08:00

So I was just so innocently looking for new series/movies to watch on Crunchyroll when I stumbled upon.... guess what?? New and HOT pics of a long time obsession: Daniel Henney ahjussi~~~ (p/s: I'm not liking the hair so much but he's still smokin' hot=P)

Isn't he just dreamy??!? Oh, so after a very successful accidental stalking, I decided to continue stalking other obsessions and I found this:

Hyun Bin~~~~~ SO very adorable =P I know I'm sounding like a teenager with a crush right now but beauty has to be admired right? Not my fault, I'm just abiding the law of nature~ hahaha

And a post on obsessions will NOT be complete unless I add him in:

Who else but Mr. Cedric Diggory @ Edward Cullen@ Robert Pattinson himself?? The 'face of a god' as described by Stephanie Meyer in her books.. Now, I'm pretty sure he's no where near the beauty of God, but for a mere mortal, he really is beautiful~ And just to be clear: this obsession started WAY before there was much said on him on the internet...

Right, that was my top 3 obsessions at the moment... the list may go on with others like:

Okay, enough obsessions for now~ ciao =)

The Undomestic Goddess.. Sophie Kinsella

2009-01-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

Okay so maybe I'm a little late in following the Sophie Kinsella craze but I've finally finished reading this chic lit by her... As all of her other writings, it's written in d 1st person's perspective who's a female..

Slight synopsis: It's about Samantha Sweeting, a high earning lawyer in London's top law firm, a graduate from Cambridge Law, with an IQ of 158, mind you. She comes from an even higher achieving family; a barrister for a mother and a financier brother. Her whole life has been about being made the youngest partner at that firm but one day disaster strikes and she decides to drop everything she had and run away. Fate, as you may say, brought her to Lower Ebury, a beautiful village in d middle of nowhere where she was mistaken as a housekeeper interviewee. And of course, as with all other high achieving feminist, she has absolutely no idea of the concept housekeeping.. She doesn't even know how a toaster looks like, let alone make a gourmet meal... But soon she falls in love with her simple yet fulfilling life, and decides that the pressure of a high-paying job is just too much to bear and settles for being a housekeeper as apparently that's what makes her happy

What I think about it? Well, 1st of all.. I do not like the notion that women have to be one or the other.. Just bcoz some of us choose to be smart and want to achieve things in life, doesn't mean we are totally hopeless around the house. Is there a universal rule that says a woman has to be one or the other? So in this book, Samantha decides to drop her job and her childhood dream bcoz she chose to return to the kitchen. Is she trying to say that it's inevitable for women that at the end of the day, our place is in the kitchen or at home ironing clothes? What is wrong with wanting to achieve?

So in the end she learned to cook a few meals from her gardener boyfriend's mother.. and a few other household tricks which are common sense to most of us... and she decides that she wants a relaxed life and money isn't everything.. I have no problems with the notion: Money can't buy happiness. What I do have a problem with is why is it we women have to give up so much more to achieve that happiness?

What I also find weird is that the author is a female who writes from the point of view of a female... but the book sounds chauvanistic~ hurmm... but then again, the books pretty funny, how ridiculously clueless Samantha is around the house is just hilarious.. It's a good read but twitched a nerve or two for me..

To start with...

2009-01-02T04:28:00.000-08:00

Okay.. I know I'm not the blogging type for some personal reasons that probably should remain personal.. but I'm starting this blog for the benefit of my friends (following nasihat te'ah yg agak bernas sbnrnya.. hahaha)

Te'ah ckp "Ili, buat la blog... senang org nk tau hidup ko since semua dh dok jauh2... xde la semua org xtau ape cte ko, menyepi je" okay, so I know that in no way replaces traditional human communication, but then when I think abt it, it is true what te'ah said..

So here goes... I'm starting a blog.... hahahahaha

P/S: This sudden change of heart may also be due to d fact that I subconsciously want to distract myself from studying for an exam next Friday.. hahaha.. who knows?